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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911057">Love, Azula</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_girls/pseuds/we_girls'>we_girls</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempted Murder, Because of Reasons, Bisexual Zuko (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Missing Persons, Multi, Murder, Occult, White Collar Crime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:33:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,058</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_girls/pseuds/we_girls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko was enjoying his, admittedly boring, life now that he was out of his father's clutches and has been for years. Really, he was. Until one day, he gets a call that his sister is missing and the local police force refuse to do anything about it. He's forced back to a town he used to call home where everyone hates his family for an accident that happened years ago. He has to find his sister but the only clue she's left him is a mysterious leather journal containing disturbing text and imagery. </p><p>Will he be able to find her in time to save her?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula &amp; Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula &amp; Ursa (Avatar), Azula &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Sokka (Avatar), Iroh &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Jet &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Past Jetko - Relationship, Sokka &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>157</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. When You Break</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dear Zuko,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not talking to you, Zuzu. I’m talking to the journal. The one you gave me right before you left for the unforeseeable future, with only a weak promise of visitation, taking Mai with you. All you do is take and leave, just like our beloved mother. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Anyway, Ty Lee suggested journaling as a way to work through my feelings. So did my psychiatrist. I’m more likely to listen to Ty Lee than her but I suppose if they agree on something, I’d better listen. The doctor told me that addressing my thoughts to a particular person, you, would help me. As if I need help. I’m fine and coping. In fact, there’s nothing to even cope about. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Note: do not expect any tearful confessions or heartfelt apologies from me. I have nothing to apologize for and nothing I regret. I am efficient and better than most people, even at twenty years old. What were you doing at twenty? Getting some boring English degree that would serve you no purpose in life. Living with our fat, old Uncle who most definitely did nothing but squander the family fortune on tea and encourage your useless attempts at a normal life. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I left as soon as I turned eighteen and could leave Uncle’s care. I went back to where our true home is – my true home. The mansion looked much the same and continues to look the same as I am not lax in my care. I’m putting the fortune to good use and getting a degree in business and political science, like Father intended. I plan on continuing the family legacy and, when deemed appropriate, getting married and having children. They will be left to the devices of their father, but I will step in when necessary. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The townspeople continue to be bitter which is just silly and foolish. The fire at the hospital happened over a decade ago and, besides, the family name was cleared, and Father was proven to be innocent. The factory blowing up was an accident. Yes, people died, and yes, it was tragic but get over it already. Mourn and move on with your lives. Yet these people, these peasants, spit at me and glare whenever I go into town. So, I don’t go often. They’re nothing compared to us – compared to me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You realize that although we are blood, I am the only one actually apart of the family, right? Mother left, Uncle left, you left. You put Father in prison. So, all that remains is me. Just me to carry on the family name and the responsibilities and all the weight of generations upon generations of ancestors looking down upon me. I will not disappoint them. Not like you did. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m on track to graduate this year as valedictorian of my class. Uncle and you are not invited. Or should I invite you? To show you what real accomplishment looks like? I don’t expect Mother to show up. After I graduate, I will start the factory up again, manufacturing more weapons for the military. I expect there to be protest from the townspeople but it’s nothing money can’t handle. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I have class soon. I will return.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Before she left for the unforeseen yet foreboding future, Azula cleaned her apartment. She folded what little laundry she had, as she’s been wearing the same clothes for days, does the dishes, and makes her bed. She wanted the place to look spotless when she is gone. Her disappearance will be mess enough.</p>
<p>She took a long look around her bedroom, at the bare walls and the pathetic, twin-sized bed unfit for someone of her station. Her former station. The only thing characteristic of her was the red and gold theme of the oversized bedspread brought from the mansion when she moved to this dingy little apartment complex.</p>
<p>It was sad. She was sad.</p>
<p>She walked to her desk, brushing her hair up into a bun along the way. She fingers her lopsided bangs with a scowl. Cut in an embarrassing fit when her mind had been less clear. More scared. Well, she wasn’t scared now. She was ready.</p>
<p>A shadow moved out of the corner of her eye and she jumped, heart thumping a beat so rapid it felt as though it would fall out of her chest. Sweat sprang from the back of her neck as the previously warm apartment seems to drop in temperature.</p>
<p>This was fine. She was fine. She looked around and saw nothing yet saw everything at the same time. The shadows were normal shadows in the corners of the room yet the seemed to writhe under her gaze and it brought a tremble to her breathing.</p>
<p>She quickly turned towards her desk. There, a red leather journal with a silky black tassel sits. It was full to the brim, expanding with pieces of paper falling out and pressed flowers. Mere trinkets. Yet it had everything. It had her hopes, her dreams, her fears. Apologies. Explanations. It had to be enough. If not, then…</p>
<p>She doesn’t know. She would be lost, then. Abandoned, never to be found.</p>
<p>A wind pushes through the room, warm and moist like a breath. She glanced to the small window next to the bed. Closed. Locked with her own locks added as extra precaution. She shuddered and stood still, not daring to move an inch. They’re coming. She doesn’t know what they are. Nobody believed her when she tries to tell them. But they’re here.</p>
<p>Sometimes, she felt like she could see everything.</p>
<p>She stared dead ahead at wallpaper that looks similar to peeling skin. They seemed to bleed. ‘Oh,’ she thinks mildly, ‘they are bleeding’. Indeed, they were. Thick, red blood ran down where the paper split. Some of it was smooth, others were chunky. It was disgusting. Yet she couldn’t look away.</p>
<p>A shadow reared up behind her. She could see it on the wall, in the lamplight. She flinched, eyes burning. Her hand inched towards the ceremonial dagger she stole from the mansion when she left. Lately, she’s taken to carrying it around in a pitiful effort to feel safe.</p>
<p>There was definitely something behind her, now. The shadow sprawled across the wall. It was large, inhumanely large. Monstrous.</p>
<p>She grinned like a feral animal, “Hello, Mother.”</p>
<p>Something pushes the blood through her veins, and she wasn’t going down without a fight. She turned and swung –</p>
<hr/>
<p>There was something in his apartment.</p>
<p>He had woken up with a sudden, incredible thirst after a long night of tossing and turning. Had debated on turning on the lights because it was just a trip to the kitchen why would he turn on the lights? Besides, it was early enough that the morning cast everything grey. Yet something in the dark reared its head enough for him to grab the cord and tug –</p>
<p>Only to see nothing. Nothing on the walls, nothing in the corners, nothing in front – Holy fucking shit. It was big. Legs layered upon legs of different lengths. Jesus. It froze beneath the light. A house centipede.</p>
<p>Zuko inched along the wall, eyes trained on the bug. Not once wavering. He reached the front door and reached down, grabbing one of his boots. This was going to be messy. Ugly. There would be blood and legs everywhere. It was going to be a pain to clean up. He inched forward. God, he hated bugs. He understood their importance but why’d they have to look like that? Couldn’t they have been cuter?</p>
<p>He neared the centipede and it twitched. He froze. Then, took a deep breath and raised the boot. He swung his arm down, probably going to get a complaint from the neighbors, but he only caught half of it. It’s body split into two and the front half scuttled away, dragging blood and insides behind it.</p>
<p>He screamed.</p>
<p>A couple hours and one concerned neighbor later found him in the kitchen nursing a cup of strong black tea. His uncle would call it “bracing”. Though, his uncle called most of the tea he made “bracing”. Zuko thought it was fine. It didn’t matter, anyway, because he no longer worked in the tea shop. He also never had guests over, besides his uncle, so there was no reason to make tea for anyone other than them.</p>
<p>He was washing up when he got the call. It wasn’t too concerning, Ty Lee called every once in a while, to catch up but she usually called Mai when Zuko forgot to send updates.</p>
<p>“Zuko here,” he answered.</p>
<p>“Zuko.” He straightened. Her voice was tight and swollen, like she had been crying. What was wrong? Was she okay? “Zuko, it’s Azula.”</p>
<p>His mind blanked. Azula. But it was never Azula. Azula was perfect. Nothing ever went wrong for her and she did what she wanted to with an unnatural efficiency. What could be wrong with Azula?</p>
<p>“Zuko?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said with a hoarse throat. “I’m here. What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“She’s missing. I haven’t seen her in three days and the police aren’t willing to help because she’s…you know.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I do.” The police force compromised of local, indigenous townspeople whose families had been there for generations. They didn’t take too kindly to the Sozin family after the fire. “You haven’t found anything?”</p>
<p>“No,” she choked. On a sob, presumably. “Her apartment was spotless, of course. The only thing out in the open was a red journal.”</p>
<p>A red journal. It couldn’t be the one he gave to her years ago, could it? She’d never actually use it, right? She hated him too much.</p>
<p>Yet, he couldn’t help but worry. She was his baby sister. And she was missing. Fear, not unlike when he saw the centipede, shot down his spine. He was sweating.</p>
<p>“I’ll be there. I’ll come, just wait for me, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she sniffled. “Come fast. Bring Mai. Please.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” he said with softness. Mai, his girlfriend and Ty Lee’s best friend. They had been inseparable up until Zuko moved away to live with his uncle. Mai had come with him, which caused a whole big mess with Azula, who must have felt as though one of her pretty little toys were being taken away.</p>
<p>Mai didn’t live with him, yet. He had just finished college and she was prepping to take over her mother’s flower shop. But they were making plans. They had time.</p>
<p>‘<em>Focus’</em>, he thought to himself. ‘<em>Your sister is fucking missing</em>.’</p>
<p>“I’ll be there,” he repeated into the phone.</p>
<p>After hanging up he stared into the space in front of him. He needed to tell uncle. He’d have to take time off of work at the library. It should be fine, when he explained what was going on.</p>
<p>‘<em>It’ll be fine</em>,’ he thought.</p>
<hr/>
<p>One phone call and a tearful conversation with his uncle later, who he had to convince not to close the shop to come with him, he was on the bus with a single suitcase to Town of Caldera. Population: 10,000. It was only a couple hours away.</p>
<p>Far enough to get away from his problems but close enough to feel as though he wasn’t running away. He wasn’t a coward. But he had to leave. He didn’t think he’d survive if he stayed, not with the way the town glared at him. Not in the way he was alone.</p>
<p>The drive there, he thought about Azula. Beautiful, cold Azula. Intense and focused. Cruel. It was better when they were younger. They were happier. She had a penchant for pinching him, but they were siblings, that was what siblings did. They hurt each other, cried about it, and made up. However, then Father began taking notice of Azula. Of how smart she was. Of how better she was than Zuko.</p>
<p>He shook his head to clear it as the bus pulled into the stop, a couple hours later. He was here. It was finally time for him to confront his past. Whether he was ready or not.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Don't You Cry Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>            Dear Zuko, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I visited Father today at the prison you and Uncle sent him to. He looks terrible, greasy hair, unshaven beard, and a terrible, frightening look in his eyes. Are you happy? You ruined a great man just because he hit you a little. Well, you needed to be hit. You were undisciplined, unable to accomplish a single thing you were supposed to. Honestly, Zuzu, it’s not that hard to get an A+ in math, now is it? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            My psychiatrist didn’t think it was a good idea to go. Neither did my therapist. Something about “trauma” and “victim seeking out abuser” which is ridiculous. There was no victim, no abuse. It was just life. Other children were too coddled and that’s why they were never successful. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            My therapist has recommended making lists; of what Father reminds me of, of Mother, and you, of anything that is concerning me, of things I enjoy. I’m going to take her suggestion but not show her, of course. I’ve enjoyed making them, so far. Lists are…tidy. Neat. Controllable. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> <span class="u">FATHER</span> </em>
</p>
<ul>
<li><em>Strong</em></li>
<li><em>Powerful</em></li>
<li><em>Burning</em></li>
<li><em>Proud</em></li>
<li><em>Elegant</em></li>
<li><em>Ruthless</em></li>
<li><em>Predator</em></li>
</ul>
<p>
  <em> <span class="u">MOTHER</span> </em>
</p>
<ul>
<li><em>Soft</em></li>
<li><em>Weak</em></li>
<li><em>Useless</em></li>
<li><em>Beautiful</em></li>
<li><em>Exclusionary</em></li>
<li><em>Intolerable </em></li>
<li><em>Silent</em></li>
</ul>
<p>
  <em> <span class="u">ZUZU</span> </em>
</p>
<ul>
<li><em>Small</em></li>
<li><em>Pitiful</em></li>
<li><em>Loud</em></li>
<li><em>Sappy</em></li>
<li><em>Failure</em></li>
<li><em>Brave</em></li>
<li><em>Mistake</em></li>
</ul>
<p>
  <em>            I know she would scold me for using negative adjectives, but they are true. Father was - is proud. He’s tall and elegant, a ruthless leader unable to tolerate any specks of weakness. Rightly so. That’s why he would not tolerate you, Zuzu. You’re weak. Are you still like that? I wouldn’t know, seeing as you haven’t deemed me important enough to visit. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Mother was beautiful but she was too soft for our family, only married in because of the connections she had. It was for the good of the company. A lot good that did as the company ended up burning either way. Maybe she cursed us when she left. I thought she would take you. You were the only one she actually loved. I know how she felt about me. I overheard her a couple times: “What is wrong with that child?” and calling me a monster. She was right, of course, even though my therapist says she wasn’t. That I was just a little girl. </em>
</p>
<p><em>            You must have been shocked when she didn’t bring you with her. Did she give you some half-hearted, tearful excuse? Or did she just run away? It must have been the latter, the way you ran around asking everybody where she was. She’s </em>gone<em>, Zuzu. She isn’t coming back. Not for you, not for me. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>            You – you were brave. I’ll admit that much. Foolish but brave, the way you saved Mai from the burning apple and how you would defend yourself in front of Father. What did that get you, though? A scar, right across your face. We used to look like twin before that. I was glad when you got it. I didn’t want to look like you, even though it made me seem favorable. Except to Father, who’d only see you in me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Speaking of Father, I never finished explaining my visit. I suppose I got sidetracked. He’s unkempt. Prison has not treated him kindly – gaunt face, sunken eyes, overgrown beard. Oh, I suppose I’ve already mentioned that. Well, I’m writing in pen and am not one to cross out my mistakes.  He asked me if you were still with Uncle. I didn’t know. I told him yes. He seemed upset by that and then asked me where I live. I confessed that I had moved into the apartments on the nicer side of town, onto the top floor, away from people. He had frowned. I quickly explained it was because there was no longer anyway to maintain the estate without the workers. I also explained that I fully intend to start up the company again and reign in everything we had before. The riches, the luxuries, the power. I would go back to the estate when I had these things. Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say. He scowled and ended the visit. I don’t know why. I thought he’d be proud of me for thinking of the family. I could’ve been like you, running off to do my own thing. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I left my address at the office in case he’d like to write to me. Maybe we could make plans for the future of the company. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I have been spending time with Ty Lee outside of classes and studies. It is comforting. I have been plagued by a terrible feeling lately – anxiety, my therapist and psychiatrist call it. As if someone like me would be burdened with anxiety. No, it is more like a feeling of unease drifts above my head, constantly. It’s heavy, like a storm cloud about to collapse and unleash a pouring rain. Look at me, I must sound like you, with your English degree and such. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            That’s all for today. I’m tired of self-reflection.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>            Only Ty Lee was waiting for him when he got off the bus. She was short, curvy with slender shoulders and was lean where she wasn’t round from years upon years of acrobatics. Her long, light brown hair was pulled up into a high, messy braid and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. She was just in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, which must have been stifling in the height of summer. She looked at him with dark circles underneath her brown eyes and promptly burst into tears.</p>
<p>            Zuko rushed towards her. There was no one else at the stop but he didn’t want to see her cry. It was hard to deal with when people cried in front of him. It caused a pit in his stomach. An uncomfortable and annoying feeling of discomfort. He was always expected to do something about it, too. He knew that he should, but it was hard, okay?</p>
<p>            She flung herself at him and he wrapped her up in his arms. Crying or not, he’d known Ty Lee since childhood, and it hurt to see the normally bubbly girl like this. He still had that nagging feeling of uncertainty as he shushed her, that he was somehow doing this wrong. He rubbed circles into her back.</p>
<p>            “I’m so glad you’re here,” she wailed into his black t-shirt. “Where’s Mai?”</p>
<p>            “Mhmm, she’s coming later. Let’s get out of here.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her off, down the road and into the town.</p>
<p>            The Town of Caldera was small, surrounded by small mountains and made up of rolling hills. It took only about thirty minutes to walk from one end of the village to the other. The center of the village was made of quaint shops run by the indigenous people who have been here for centuries, selling trinkets and furs. Besides grocery stores and gas stops, the only other feature besides the river that winded through the town was the local police building. A ragged but well-loved place greatly appreciated by the people.</p>
<p>            On the opposite side of the river was the Sozin estate, a much less beloved place. They owned much of the land that side of the river, besides where the old hospital used to be, and had devoted a good chunk of it to their factory – they got their wealth through weapons manufacturing. Zuko knew now that it was deplorable but before, when he had been younger, he had been proud.</p>
<p>            The land surrounding the ruins of the factory was slowly healing from the harsh conditions it had been through, he noticed as they passed by. Good, that was good. In comparison, the estate was crumbling. Shutters hung half off the windows and pieces of the stone walls crumbled here and there. There was graffiti everywhere. The gaudy decorations were covered in vines and greenery. It was an improvement.</p>
<p>            “I figured you’d want to stay at home, instead of at Azula’s apartment,” Ty Lee explained as they walked through the gates.  </p>
<p>            Zuko furrowed his brows, “Azula doesn’t live here, anymore?”</p>
<p>            She shook her head. “She moved out a couple of years ago. Said it was too much work to maintain.”</p>
<p>            He made a noise in acknowledgment. That was bizarre. Azula never used to consider anything too much work. If it led to one of her goals, you could bet she would do it.</p>
<p>            The doors creaked open and they were hit by a cloud of dust that had them bent over, coughing. It was dark inside. Was there even electricity, he wondered?</p>
<p>            Ty Lee seemed to read his expression and flicked a nearby switch, “I had them turn on the electricity for you in your family name.”</p>
<p>            Zuko winced, “So some people know I’m back?”</p>
<p>            She offered a guilty smile. “Only a handful.”</p>
<p>            They walked up the stairs, towards the master suites. He was surprised she remembered the way. But, he supposed, she had been here many, many times when they were children. Azula got to have her friends over whenever she wanted, as long as it didn’t interfere with her studies.</p>
<p>            “I also tidied up both your bedroom and your parents.” She shrugged awkwardly. “I wasn’t sure which one you’d want to stay in, with Mai.”</p>
<p>            He offered her a strained smile, “I’ll sleep in my room but thanks.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>            After tossing his stuff onto his bed, he asked Ty Lee to show him to Azula’s apartment. It wasn’t a surprise when they ended up in the nicer part of town. It had a scenic view of the river, ducks swimming along, behind it and a green, cheerful park across from the building. God, Azula must hate it.</p>
<p>            They trudged up the stairs to the top floor. Zuko was sweating by the time they reached the top, but Ty Lee remained unphased, as if she’s hiked up here many times.</p>
<p>            “No elevators?” He grunted.</p>
<p>            “I figured you’d need the exercise now that you sit at a desk all day.”</p>
<p>            “Hey,” he said, offended, “Books can be heavy! And I still train, just not as much as before.”</p>
<p>            She giggled and pranced to an unassuming door that looked no different from the rest of the doors on the floor. She unlocked it and stepped in.</p>
<p>            When he walked in, he was hit with a wave of confusion. This couldn’t be Azula’s apartment. It had to have been somebody else’s. It was…homely. Nice enough but nothing like the luxuries they grew up with. He wandered, taking in the pale yellow paint and softly carpeted floors. It was clean. The dishes were put away, the trash was taken out. Peaking into a room that turned out to be her bedroom, he could see that even her bed was made.</p>
<p>            Excessive cleanliness was more like Azula. He headed back out to the kitchen and inspected inside cupboards and cabinets, Ty Lee watching him. The cups and plates were…surprisingly ugly. He picked up a mug that looked to be handmade. It was black and white, with a pink spot in the center. Two triangles pointed up from one side of it. A cat, maybe? He set it down on the counter and turned towards Ty Lee.</p>
<p>            “You said she left a journal?” She nodded. “Did you see anything that might have hinted to where she is?”</p>
<p>            “I didn’t read it. Well, I opened the first page but…”</p>
<p>            “But?” He prompted.</p>
<p>            “It’s addressed to you.”</p>
<p>            Before Zuko could express his shock, someone knocked on the door.</p>
<p>            “Azula?” They tried the knob and, finding it open, pushed their way inside. They were on the other side of the wall from the kitchen and would have to circle around to see them.</p>
<p>            “Who’s there?” Zuko barked.</p>
<p>            “Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are-”</p>
<p>            The person rounded the corner and both of them froze. Shock? Fear? Zuko couldn’t tell. But something a lot like guilt and embarrassment flooded down his spine at the sight of dark hair pulled into a ponytail, sides shaven, and bright blue eyes.</p>
<p>            “Sokka?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Until the Levee</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dear Zuko, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            The apartment I’ve chosen is…quaint, to say the least. It’s small. Much smaller than what I’m used to. Is this really how people live? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Ty Lee has brought over a cartful of plants, pillows, and string lights. She swears it’ll make the place feel “homier”. If I wanted to feel at home, I’d go home. But I can’t because of the state the mansion is in now that we don’t have enough money to pay the help. I have just enough to take care of myself for the next couple years. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            The plants are, admittedly, quite charming. Pothos and English Ivy, some rounded succulents. Even a cactus she thought I would like. It’s okay. It pricked me so I keep it far away, in the corner of the windowsill in the kitchen. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Recently, my therapist has urged me to find hobbies. I don’t need hobbies. I need to stay focused on my future and the future of the company. The same thing really. I made the mistake of telling Ty Lee and she’s been dropping off things she thinks I’d like; books, seed packets, makeup, and even balls of yarn and knitting needles. Could you even imagine? Me? Knitting? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I have one neighbor. I haven’t met him yet, but I’ve certainly heard him. Blasting music at odd hours of the day, constantly having people over, or just straight up shouting. I’ve complained to management, but they haven’t seemed to have done anything. Like most things, I will probably have to take matters into my own hands. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Do you remember that one ragtag, ever-expanding group from highschool? The one with the bald monk and the son and daughter of the Chief of the police force? We used to bully them constantly. Looking the how they did, acting the way the acted – as if they weren’t inferior to us. They deserved it. Someone needed to teach them a lesson. It just happened to be us. The monk would just preach and preach, while the siblings shouted about justice and eating the rich. The blind girl and the boy’s girlfriend were the only semi-decent ones among them, the former having class and the latter dignity. Though, I suppose she abandoned it when she chose to date that buffoon. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Of course, they eventually told their father, and he went to ours. Father dismissed any notion of discipline. He understood that it was deserved. Besides, the police force was in his hands, no matter what the Chief chose to believe. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Anyway, listen to me go on about remembering as if I’m some sentimental nanny. One of the siblings, the brother, has been lurking around the apartment building. Who knows what he plans on doing. Vandalizing it, maybe? Scavenging? A peasant like him would need to. Or maybe he’s figured out I live here and has come to plant a bomb or some such thing, something to end our bloodline for good. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I’d watch out, Zuzu. He’ll come for you, next. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>LIST OF THINGS I ENJOY</em>
</p>
<ul>
<li><em>Winning</em></li>
<li><em>Succeeding (winning and succeeding are different)</em></li>
<li><em>Silk</em></li>
<li><em>Home (home – home, not this hovel)</em></li>
<li><em>Pleasing Father</em></li>
<li><em>Perfume</em></li>
<li><em>Historical books</em></li>
<li><em>Glass sculptures</em></li>
<li><em>The colors red and gold</em></li>
<li><em>Ty Lee</em></li>
<li><em>Mai (when she was still here)</em></li>
</ul>
<hr/>
<p>            Zuko was honestly amazed he even remembered the man’s name. He hadn’t seen him since high school. He’d never even had a proper conversation with him. It was all just scathing insults back and forth.</p>
<p>            Sokka squinted at him. “No way. <em>Zuko</em>?”</p>
<p>            It was not, surprisingly, said with the derision he expected but rather with bewilderment and caution?</p>
<p>            Zuko blinked back at him. “Uh…hey.” Then he regained his senses, “Wait, what’re you doing in my sister’s apartment?”</p>
<p>            Sokka’s face colored and he stuttered back, “What-what’re <em>you</em> doing in your sister’s apartment?”</p>
<p>            Zuko looked at him incredulously. Was he actually as idiotic as he sounded? <em>No</em>, he thought with resignation. No, he actually remembered Sokka being quite smart. Something his father never failed to point out – how a no-name kid who only had his dad as the Chief going him was able to get better grades than Zuko. This just fueled his need to bully Sokka, to somehow try to make him lesser.</p>
<p>            It never worked.</p>
<p>            “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because she’s been missing for three days? And I was actually invited here,” he gestured at Ty Lee, “by someone? You just wandered in.”</p>
<p>            “Hey!” Sokka sniffed, “I have a standing-invitation.”</p>
<p>            Zuko’s mind blanked. He must have been lying. There was no way Azula would just let someone besides Ty Lee just wander into her apartment. He didn’t even have that privilege. ‘<em>Well,’</em> he thought with guilt, ‘<em>maybe if I had talked to her once in the past three years</em>.’</p>
<p>            She could have also reached out, his head argued. She’s her own person.</p>
<p>            “I don’t believe you.” He said bluntly.</p>
<p>            Sokka made a choking-gasp sound, a bit like a dying cat. “I wouldn’t just walk into somebody’s apartment if I wasn’t invited!”</p>
<p>            Zuko sighed. “Listen, invitation or not, have you seen Azula?”</p>
<p>            “Have <em>you</em> seen Azula?”</p>
<p>            “What.” He replied flatly.</p>
<p>            Sokka colored.</p>
<p>            "Hey, you must be the cutie Azula was talking about,” Ty Lee giggled.</p>
<p>            ‘Cutie?’ Zuko mouthed.</p>
<p>            Sokka’s dark skin turned a kind of plum shade. He smoothed back his ponytail. “She – ah – she talks about me?”</p>
<p>            “Well…,” Ty Lee mused, “more like ‘the idiot next door’ but she talks about you! That’s a lot coming from Azula.”</p>
<p>            His face fell. Then he smiled, like he couldn’t decide whether it was a compliment or not.</p>
<p>            Zuko felt like he was going to throw up. This borderline sounded like his sister’s dating life they were talking about. Azula? Dating one of the so-called peasants? As if. She was more likely stringing him along as another one of her little games.</p>
<p>            Sokka spied something on the counter. “Hey! That’s the mug I made her!” He grabbed the ugly cat-thing mug and cradled it gently between his broad hands. “’Cause she’s like a cat, ya know? Moody.”</p>
<p>            Zuko stared at him. He was serious. Sokka was being one hundred percent serious. He made his sister a mug and…she kept it?</p>
<p>            He sighed. “You should sit down.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>            Sokka sat at the table solemnly, a contrast to the upbeat man from earlier. “Three days?” He asked.</p>
<p>            “Four, now.” Zuko replied. They were all silent for several tense moments. Ty Lee sniffled, tears in her eyes. “You haven’t heard anything?”</p>
<p>            Sokka sighed. “No. Well…,” he hesitated.</p>
<p>            “Well?” He prompted.</p>
<p>            “She’d been acting…weird. A bit off. Staring into space like she was tracking something, jumping suddenly.” A dark look crossed his face. “One time, I caught her talking. But nobody else was there. It was just her, alone in the room.”</p>
<p>            “So, you think she might’ve run off.” Zuko said, bluntly.</p>
<p>            “I didn’t say that!”</p>
<p>            “You implied it.” Zuko sighed and sat back in his chair. Azula running off and her being kidnapped both seemed probable. She always did her own thing, uncaring about other people’s opinions. Except their father’s. But their family also had a lot of enemies, most of them local. It wouldn’t surprise him if one of them decided to act on their hatred.</p>
<p>            There was nothing else to be done here. They pushed the chairs back in and left the apartment, bringing the leather journal with him. It might have something, <em>anything</em>.</p>
<p>            The elevator ride down was awkward, Sokka joining them because he was on his way to work. So, he claimed.</p>
<p>            “Where do you work?” Zuko asked, politely.</p>
<p>            “Right now, I’m part-time at the police station. I work the desk. My dad won’t let me do anything else. He says I’m too “high-strung”, which I think is ridiculous.”</p>
<p>            Zuko remembered him as being a bit…neurotic. Freaking out over labs gone wrong or plans being derailed.</p>
<p>            “Is your father still the Chief?”</p>
<p>            Sokka beamed proudly, “Yep!” Then, his smile faded. “Though they made him co-Chief to some hotshot named Zhao. Pretty sure he bought his way up.” He seemed to suddenly remember the person he was talking to, and his family history. “Not that-”.</p>
<p>            Zuko sighed and shook his head, “No, Zhao is an asshole. He was a friend of my father’s so there’s no way he didn’t buy his way.” He barely escaped prison after all the stuff with the company went down, if he remembered rightly.</p>
<p>            Ty Lee chimed in, “I remember him! He was such a creep.”</p>
<p>            Zuko snorted. He was a creep all right, with the way he leered at everyone. Especially Zuko and Azula. As if he just couldn’t wait to get his hands on them.</p>
<p>            He froze, not noticing as the elevator comes to a stop. Sokka and Ty Lee head out.</p>
<p>            Zhao would be stupid or insane and determined enough to try something like kidnapping. He had always been more focused on Azula and him than normal family friends were. But surely someone would’ve noticed, right?</p>
<p>            ‘<em>Money</em>,’ he thought bitterly. Money gets you out of everything.</p>
<p>            Something tugged at his hand. Ty Lee. “Come on, silly.” She walked him over to Sokka and they began to head out of the building.</p>
<p>            “Ty Lee, I have a hunch.”</p>
<p>            She looked up with wide eyes, “Really?”</p>
<p>            Sokka echoed it with a slow, dawning realization forming on his face. “Zhao,” he breathed. “Azula told me a bit about how he was around you guys. Do you really think it could be him?”</p>
<p>            “I wouldn’t put it past him,” Zuko replied grimly.</p>
<p>            “We should go to the police, then. We’ll talk to my dad.”</p>
<p>            Zuko hesitated. The Sozin family and the local police force had never exactly got on. Especially Ozai and Hakoda. But…it was their job. So, they’d have to investigate it, right?</p>
<hr/>
<p>            “Absolutely not.” The burly man before them said, calmly.</p>
<p>            “But dad!”</p>
<p>            “Don’t ‘dad’ me, Sokka. You’re a grown man.”</p>
<p>            “How could you not look into a missing persons case?” Sokka crossed his arms.</p>
<p>            Zuko stayed silent, slightly behind him and to the side. He had tried not to get his hopes up. He knew he’d just end up feeling like this.</p>
<p>            Ty Lee’s lip trembled. “She hasn’t been seen in <em>four days</em>. Doesn’t that qualify as missing persons?”</p>
<p>            Hakoda looked at them with sharp, steely eyes. “Well, you never know with that family. She probably ran off in the night, hoping to make a scene.”</p>
<p>            Zuko flinched and anger, old, familiar anger, reared it’s head. “Why would a twenty-year old girl in the middle of and dedicated to her degree run off for attention?” He said scathingly.</p>
<p>            The man turned to him. Various emotions flit over his face. Zuko could only see disgust, though. “You’re her older brother. Shouldn’t you know?”</p>
<p>            Zuko bristled and stepped forward, Hakoda tensing. Sokka put an arm in front of him and he let the contact ground him from the rush of red in his eyes. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. In…out…one…two….</p>
<p>            He marveled at how quickly Sokka was able to calm him down. But, just because he wasn’t going to get into a fistfight doesn’t mean he wasn’t going to be harsh. “You’re an incompetent Chief and I see why they had to saddle Zhao with you if this is how you treat the town’s concerns.”</p>
<p>            Sokka whipped his head towards him, “Hey! Leave my dad alone.” Then he hesitated. “Dad, he’s kinda right. You really can’t ignore this.”</p>
<p>            “Watch me,” he said bluntly and then turned away,  pretending to shuffle through paperwork. “You may leave.”</p>
<p>            They were out of the building in no time. Zuko practically flew out in a rage, Ty Lee sniffling behind him. He opened his mouth but couldn’t speak. His thoughts were choking him. He crouched on the ground and breathed in, deeply, a couple times, hands over his face.</p>
<p>            A hand gently touched his back and he flinched. “You okay, buddy?”</p>
<p>            He took another deep breath. “My little sister is missing, and the police won’t do anything. No. I am not okay.”</p>
<p>            Sokka sighed. “I’m sorry about that. I have to get to work but I’ll try to convince him to change his mind. It’s totally unethical what he’s doing, and I can’t believe he’s doing it.”</p>
<p>            “I can,” Zuko muttered.</p>
<p>            Sokka winced. They both stood up, Ty Lee taking Zuko’s hand and huddling against him. Sokka edged back towards the building before stopping. “Wait, here’s my number. In case anything comes up, ya know?”</p>
<p>            They exchange numbers and they watch him walk into the building under the dusty, falling light of the evening.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I Of The Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dear Zuko, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I’m afraid I don’t feel well, today. You won’t be getting much from me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>LIST OF THINGS I DETEST</em>
</p>
<ul>
<li><em>Sweat peas</em></li>
<li><em>Cotton</em></li>
<li><em>Cold days</em></li>
<li><em>The town’s people</em></li>
<li><em>Mother</em></li>
<li><em>You, sometimes</em></li>
</ul>
<hr/>
<p>            That sun has been up, hot and looming, for hours by the time Mai arrived. She stepped off the bus looking out of place in the quant bust stop – noble-aired and impeccable with her shiny black hair and passive eyes.</p>
<p>            Zuko had missed her so much.</p>
<p>            He embraced her and savored every quick second – she wasn’t big on contact.</p>
<p>            “Hey, you,” she said.</p>
<p>            “Hi,” he grinned, stupidly. Then his smile faded as he remembered why, exactly, she was here. “I’m glad to see you. Ty Lee will be glad, too.”</p>
<p>            Her eyes softened at the mention of Ty Lee. They had been best friends, once upon a time, he remembered. They still kept in contact, but it wasn’t the same.</p>
<p>            They idly talked on the way to the local café. Zuko told her about Sokka. “It’s weird,” he said, “he doesn’t seem to be angry.”</p>
<p>            She shrugged, “Maybe he’s hiding it.”</p>
<p>            “Maybe.”</p>
<p>            “Maybe he’s biding his time.”</p>
<p>            “Probably.”</p>
<p>            Ty Lee was already there, along with Sokka. They seemed to be having a cheerful discussion that abruptly cut off when Ty Lee spotted Mai.</p>
<p>            “Mai,” she called, “I missed you!” They embraced. When they pulled apart, Ty Lee had tears in her eyes. “I wish Azula was here to see you, too.”</p>
<p>            Mai frowned. “That’s why we’re here. Because she isn’t.”</p>
<p>            Silence fell on the group. They all shifted uncomfortably.</p>
<p>            Zuko took in the place. He had never come here before. It was considered too lowly to frequent the same places that “commoners” did.</p>
<p>            God, his father was an asshole. If only he realized it sooner.</p>
<p>            It wasn’t a bad place but, from his time at the Jasmine Dragon, he could see where it could use some work. He mentioned as much to Mai while Ty Lee got the drinks. Sokka overheard.</p>
<p>            “What’s the Jasmine Dragon?”</p>
<p>            “My uncle’s tea shop, over in Ba Sing Se.”</p>
<p>            Sokka laughed incredulously, “You worked in a teashop? <em>You</em>?”</p>
<p>            Zuko glared. “Yes, me. And it was the most miserable experience of my life, but I learned a lot.”</p>
<p>            “What, manners?”</p>
<p>            Zuko pursed his lips. Yes, actually. But he wasn’t going to admit that. Customer service had a lot of lessons to teach him, mostly in humility.</p>
<p>            “I thought he looked cute in the uniform,” Mai said. Her lips twitched.</p>
<p>            God, she was beautiful. Embarrassing, but beautiful.</p>
<p>            Sokka snorted. Ty Lee arrived with the tray of drinks.</p>
<p>            Zuko blew at his chai latte and inhaled the aroma of spice. Yeah, his uncle’s was better, but he’s never had a bad chai latte in his life.</p>
<p>            Then, they got to work.</p>
<p>            “When did you guys last see Azula?”</p>
<p>            Ty Lee answered first. “Five days ago. We came here for drinks, to celebrate. She had seemed normal if a tad ruffled but I thought she was just stressed from school! She’s in her final year, now.”</p>
<p>            Huh, Zuko thought. He hadn’t known that. She must’ve skipped a year. Wait, to celebrate what?</p>
<p>            Sokka jumped in, “I was dropping by on the same day, in the evening. I was gonna give her her gift, then but, well…,” he hesitated, “She’d been acting…oddly. I had opened the door and she had just been staring at a wall, talking to herself. So, I decided to come back the next day.” He looked unnerved.</p>
<p>            “A gift for what?”</p>
<p>            Zuko received a blank, somewhat reserved look from both of them. Sokka’s was tinged with anger, Ty Lee’s with sadness. “Zuko, it was her birthday,” Ty Lee murmured.</p>
<p>            Oh. He flushed red. He didn’t remember his sister’s birthday. His baby sister. God, she must have turned what? Twenty-one? When was the last time he said happy birthday? Not since before she moved away, back home. And now, she was missing.</p>
<p>            Underneath the table, Mai gently grabbed his hand and caressed his palm with her thumb. He squeezed back. Cleared his throat. “Talking to herself?”</p>
<p>            Sokka nodded. “She seemed…angry. It was like she was talking to someone else but there was nobody there and she wasn’t on the phone or anything.” He paused. “She kept saying ‘Mother’.”</p>
<p>            Zuko went cold. Mother. <em>Mother</em>. They hadn’t seen her in about fifteen years. Azula hadn’t even had a good relationship with, either so why would she be talking to her?</p>
<p>            But Sokka said there was nobody there. What the hell was going on?</p>
<p>            “Sokka?” They turned. A tall girl with skin the color of bark and eyes the same blue as the heaving sea, similar to Sokka, approached the table. Her eyes roved over them with a startling, frightening intensity. “What the hell is this?”</p>
<p>            “Katara-”, Sokka half-stood, hands up in a placating gesture.</p>
<p>            “What do you think you’re doing with my brother?” She was enraged. Her eyes zeroed in on Zuko and he froze, like she had iced him to his seat. “You think you can just come back and immediately target him, you asshole?”</p>
<p>            “No, we-”, he began.</p>
<p>            “Thought it’d be fun to mess with him?”</p>
<p>            “Katara!” Sokka stood and grabbed her arm. “I’m here with them willingly.” He rambled out a rush of explanation but Zuko could only focus on the figure he caught sight of lingering behind Katara, wearing an orange hoodie with a bald, tattooed head.</p>
<p>            Aang. The kid Zuko relentlessly bullied throughout high school.</p>
<p>            He noticed Zuko looking and sent him a weak grin. “Hey, Zuko.”</p>
<p>            “Hi.” The word barely escaped as a whisper. He cleared his throat. “Hey.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you talk to him!” Katara snapped.</p>
<p>            “It’s fine-”, Aang started.</p>
<p>            “It’s not!”</p>
<p>            “Katara!” Sokka shouted. The other patrons looked at them nervously, including the owner. They couldn’t exactly through out the Chief’s kids for making a ruckus.</p>
<p>            Zuko slouched in his chair.</p>
<p>            “Where’s your sister, huh? Where’s the Queen?”</p>
<p>            Silence. He felt his lips go numb. A flood of hopelessness washed over him, and sadness, as if her asking was breaking the dam of realization that his sister was missing. She was gone.</p>
<p>            Ty Lee sniffled, breaking the silence, as Katara looked between them, an unsure expression growing on her face.</p>
<p>            “She’s missing,” Zuko answered tersely.</p>
<p>            Startlement and something else, something a bit like regret flashed across her face. Then it was covered with stubborn pride, stiffening her lips and narrowing her eyes. “Good,” she said and stormed away.</p>
<p>            Sokka looked at them apologetically before following her. Zuko was frozen in place and didn’t notice Aang lingering until the boy, the man, really, stood next to his chair.</p>
<p>            “I’m sorry about Azula,” he said.</p>
<p>            Before he could think – “Are you?”</p>
<p>            Aang looked hurt. “Of course, I am.”</p>
<p>            Right. Right. He was a pacifist. And Zuko was an asshole. He sighed, running a hand down his face. He was suddenly so tired. “I know. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>            Aang blinked. ‘Sorry’, he mouthed. Then he brightened, like a flower beneath the sun. “Hey, because you’re back, we can be friends now!”</p>
<p>            What? Why on Earth would Aang want to be friends with his tormenter. However, a memory came to mind. Something he had forgotten about, feeling ashamed at the time. Aang had wanted to be friends then, too.</p>
<p>            “Well, I don’t really plan on staying…”, he began, but at Aang’s downcast look, changed his mind, “…but I’m sure we can keep in touch.”</p>
<p>            “Great!” Aang scribbled his number out onto one of the clean napkins, babbling about someone named Appa and how he couldn’t wait for Zuko to meet him. Wait, wasn’t Appa his dog? A huge white mound of hair and slobber. Zuko really didn’t want to meet that.</p>
<p>            After Aang bounded away, Zuko heard Mai snort by his side. “What?”</p>
<p>            “You’re such a softie.” She looked at him with open but mild affection, her gaze like warm sunlight.</p>
<p>            Zuko spluttered and felt the blood rush to his head. “I am not <em>soft</em>.”</p>
<p>            “Sure,” she said.</p>
<p>            Across from them, Ty Lee giggled. “Your aura is pretty golden, Zuko.” They looked at her in confusion. She sighed. “It’s inviting. Like a hug.”</p>
<p>            Zuko and Mai looked at one another before shrugging. Whatever she said.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            Later, unbidden, the memory from earlier sprung up, like an unwanted weed. He knew now that it wasn’t something he should be ashamed of, that he did good but he couldn’t help the leftover residue.</p>
<p>            It had been a cold night early in the spring semester. Zuko was sixteen. Aang was thirteen. In middle school. So young, at the time. Zuko had been walking through town after staying late at the library, working on a project for some class or another.</p>
<p>            He’d heard the yelp from around the corner and concern had immediately flared inside of him. Something that both Azula and Father would shame him for if they’d ever found out. People should be able to handle themselves, they’d say.</p>
<p>            He’d quickly circled the corner, only to run into an unexpected scene: Zhao, one of his father’s friends and a member of the police department, holding Aang by his signature orange jacket and emptying his bag.</p>
<p>            “You don’t need any of this stuff, right? Can’t even go home and tell anyone it’s missing because you’re just an orphan.” Zhao grinned down at the kid’s struggles.</p>
<p>            Zuko had been enraged, an anger so righteous and familiar that he didn’t think before flinging his hood up, covering his face, and darting out of the shadows to kick Zhao in the back of the knee. Zhao went down with an enraged yell, letting go of Aang, who scrambled away and grabbed his bag.</p>
<p>            Before Zhao could get up, Zuko sprinted past him and grabbed Aang by the arm. They made it a few streets away before slowing down. He remembered feeling panicked.</p>
<p>            “Wow, thanks for that!” Aang said. He’d been so short then. He’d froze in shock, when Zuko lifted his head – hood having fell down when they were running. “Zu-Zuko?”</p>
<p>            Zuko glared silently.</p>
<p>            Aang looked unsure but continued on, “You know…thanks. I think it was great of you to save me like that. You’re not as bad as you seem.” He hesitated. “Maybe – maybe after this, we could friends?”</p>
<p>            Zuko spat at him. “Get out of here, before I make you sorry.” Or something like that. He couldn’t remember exactly what he said, just that it had been hurtful, from the way Aang had flinched away, tears in his eyes. He had run away, then.</p>
<p>            Zuko had been so, so afraid of his father finding out. There was a chance Zhao could have seen him or realized who had attacked him. But Zhao was a member of the police and he shouldn’t have behaved in such a way. So, he felt vindicated.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            He called Iroh later that night, after getting back from the café with Mai. She was in the shower, while he sat at the kitchen table.</p>
<p>            “She’s still missing, Uncle.” He felt tired. He rubbed a hand over his eyes.</p>
<p>            “I see. I will be there within the week, then. I just have to tidy up a few things here, with the teashop before I can head over.” His uncle’s normally jovial voice was somber.</p>
<p>            “The police won’t even help.”</p>
<p>            “I will clear everything up when I get there, Nephew. Do not worry. Everything will be fine.”</p>
<p>            After they said their goodbyes and hung up, Zuko sat at that long, lonely table for a long time. He was worried. He couldn’t help but worry. And he was also ashamed. So very ashamed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Place I Left Behind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dear Zuko,</em>
</p>
<p><em>            Those pathetic townspeople are getting on my nerves. They’ve taken to </em>threatening<em> me. Me! As if I could be threatened. This morning, I found a nasty little bag in my mailbox – one dripping with what looked like blood and threaded with – I shudder to name it – human hair. I opened it, of course. Inside was just little symbols, hexes, I assume, drawn all over and my name in the middle. These backwards town folks have driven to witchcraft to drive me out! Can you believe such a thing? It could be anyone, too. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>            They want me gone, Zuzu. If they’re getting this bold, soon they won’t hesitate to take me out. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            It’s been making me tired, lately. I’ve been seeing things out of the corner of my eye – shadows and such. Things that shouldn’t be there. Things that aren’t. At night, I lay frozen, unable to move, and am accosted by wretched visions of foul monsters leaning over my bed. My psychiatrist says this is sleep paralysis. That it was normal. As if anything about me could be normal. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            The other one, my therapist, wanted to know about you, Zuzu. Feel flattered. I told her you were stupid and too caring for our family, and that you were scarred for it. Of course, everybody knows about the scar by now and how Father gave it to you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What they don’t know is I watched. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A LIST OF PEOPLE OUT TO GET ME</em>
</p>
<ul>
<li><em>Those misfits from school</em></li>
<li><em>Uncle</em></li>
<li><em>Zhao, probably</em></li>
<li><em>The police department and their families</em></li>
<li><em>The priests at the church Mother used to take us to</em></li>
<li><em>Everyone</em></li>
</ul>
<hr/>
<p>Ty Lee was over for breakfast the next morning. She spent most of the morning happily catching up with Mai over a plate of scrambled eggs and toast that Zuko had thrown together for everyone. Mai sent him a pointed look and broke off a bit of burnt toast. He winced and sent a sheepish grin. So, he wasn’t the best cook. Whatever. He sat down with them, on the other side of Mai.</p>
<p>“How was Azula?” Mai asked. Her voice had no inflection, but something glimmered sadly in her eyes.</p>
<p>Right, he thought. They had been best friends until Zuko had torn her away.</p>
<p>Ty Lee hesitated. “Not great,” she admitted, “she had been…seeing things.”</p>
<p>“Like what Sokka said? About talking to things that weren’t there?” Zuko cut in.</p>
<p>She nodded. “It was the whole reason she moved out of the mansion.”</p>
<p>He furrowed his brows. “I thought she moved out because she ran out of money.”</p>
<p>“No. Zuko, she thought the mansion was haunted.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>It was hours later and Zuko still couldn’t get over it. “Azula? Believing in ghosts?”</p>
<p>“Zuko, let it go,” Mai sighed.</p>
<p>“Still, how likely is that-”</p>
<p>“Well, we weren’t exactly here to know!” She snapped. Her voice only raised briefly but it was enough. She was angry. “We weren’t here,” she repeated.</p>
<p>Zuko gently took her hand, squeezing it. “We weren’t. But we couldn’t have known. She could have contacted us at any time if she needed help.”</p>
<p>She smiled with bitterness, “It’s Azula. Do you really think she’d reach out?”</p>
<p>He didn’t answer. They continued walking. They were meeting up with Sokka, to talk to the police once again. Or try to. It was a grim and grey morning. Dark clouds loomed at the horizon and threatened to rush a flood over them at any minute. The trees swayed back and forth, leaves occasionally ripping off.</p>
<p>One flew into Zuko’s hair. Mai picked it out.</p>
<p>They reached the police station. Sokka spotted them and waved them in. “Hey!” His smile fell. “Just so you know, Zhao is here, too.”</p>
<p>Zuko stiffened, that night flashing through his head. All the fights they’ve picked with one another. The night Zhao had cornered him in the mansion, towering over him until his uncle had interrupted.</p>
<p>Sokka winced, “Yeah. Anyway, I’ll bring you to my dad.”</p>
<p>On the way there, Sokka told them about his situation with Katara. He’d finally gotten it through her head that he was there with them willingly but now she was pissed at him for betraying them. “Can you believe that” he complained, “She actually used the word ‘betrayed’.”</p>
<p>They reached the office.</p>
<p>Inside, Hakoda and Zhao were in a heated debate with one another. Something about force schedules. Zuko couldn’t understand any of the jargon they were using.</p>
<p>Hakoda caught sight of them first and scowled. Zhao turned and narrowed his eyes, before a slimy smile twisted onto his face.</p>
<p>“Zuko! Long time no see.”</p>
<p>Zuko nodded at him, a forced calm settling inside him. “Zhao.”</p>
<p>“What can<em> I</em> do for you.”</p>
<p>Besides him, Hakoda bristled.</p>
<p>He got to the point, “Azula is missing and has been missing for about a week now.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>Hakoda cut in, “Boy, I already told you the police force will not get involved with your family.”</p>
<p>He bristled. He took a step forward, mouth opening, but Mai laid a hand on his arm. He took a deep breath. In…out…in…out. 1…2…1…2.</p>
<p>Zhao’s smooth voice sliced through his red fog, “Why, Hakoda. A police chief refusing to find a missing person. That’s awfully…,” he paused, “suspicious of you.”</p>
<p>Zuko paused. It was, actually. How could a Chief refuse a case like this? Was that even legal? He didn’t know but he was sure it crossed some lines in ethics. Besides, he remembered, Azula had listed Hakoda and his family as one of the people she suspected in giving her the little hex bag.</p>
<p>However, he thought, Sokka was a part of Hakoda’s family. He had also lived right next to Azula.</p>
<p>He didn’t really want to be suspicious of Sokka. They were just starting to reconcile and get along. He didn’t want to ruin it with his suspicions.</p>
<p>Zhao bared his teeth at him. “Don’t you worry, Zuko. We’ll find her. Don’t want your <em>father</em> to be upset.”</p>
<p>Zuko stiffened. On one side of him, Sokka winced. Even Hakoda looked taken aback.</p>
<p>Barely containing his fury, something so overwhelming hot and red, he managed a curt nod and spun on his feet, heading to the entrance. He heard Mai’s light steps behind him. She didn’t touch him but kept close by.</p>
<p>When he got outside, he took a deep, gulping breath. The air was fresh with rain. He looked around. Counted the puddles he could see. Heard the raindrops falling from the roof tiles, the chatter of a couple kids across the street, the honking of a car, and the door creak as Sokka came through it. He could smell petrichor, old cigarettes, and the cologne he put on this morning. He could feel Mai close by and the pavement beneath his feet. He faintly tasted Mai’s lipstick from an earlier kiss.</p>
<p>He was okay.</p>
<p>“-I’m so sorry, again.” Sokka looked frustrated. “Zhao’s just gonna put up missing person posters. Nothing else.” He spun around and gave a wordless yell, slamming a fist against the wall of the building.</p>
<p>Zuko looked at him and wondered how he could have, for even the slightest second, doubted his innocence. He must have been close, he realized, to Azula. In a way that Zuko never had been.</p>
<p>In a way that he might never have a chance to.</p>
<p>“Sokka!” Someone called. It was the kids from across the street. Wait…Zuko squinted, they weren’t kids. It was Aang and the blind girl. What was her name? Toph? Yeah, Toph. A wild little thing from an upper class family. Not as high up as the Sozins but somewhere up there.</p>
<p>They crossed, Aang guiding Toph by her hand. “What’s up?” He took in Sokka’s drawn face and furrowed his brows. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“No,” Sokka admitted. “They’re still not doing anything for Azula. Just some missing posters.”</p>
<p>“What? Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes, really,” Sokka snapped. Zuko winced at Aang’s hurt look. Sokka quickly apologized after Toph punched him, with scary accuracy, in the arm. “It’s just frustrating. Anyway, what’re you guys up to? Where’s Katara?”</p>
<p>“Working over at the hospital. We figured we’d come see if you were working.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Snoozles. Aren’t you supposed to be working?”</p>
<p>“I’m taking the day off, actually.” At Zuko’s surprised look, explained, “I told my dad that I needed the day. He’s letting me. Perks of being the chief’s kid.”</p>
<p>“Wait,” Toph interjected, “Who else is here?”</p>
<p>“Oh!” Aang said, rubbing the back of his head, “Sorry! It’s Zuko and Mai. From school, remember?”</p>
<p>“The ones who messed with us,” she said bluntly.</p>
<p>Zuko winced again. This was going to go badly.</p>
<p>“Alright.”</p>
<p>Wait, what?</p>
<p>“Obviously you guys are okay, now. Otherwise Snoozles wouldn’t be hanging out with you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Zuko said, then hesistated, “I’m sorry, by the way.”</p>
<p>“Apology accepted.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“What?” She snapped, “Do you want me to say no?”</p>
<p>“No! Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Good.” She looked up, in his direction. He was taken aback by the pale green of her eyes. She was so strong-willed that he’d forgotten that she was blind and not really helpless at all. “We’re gonna go hang out at the park. Wanna come with?”</p>
<p>He blinked. Looked at Mai but her expression was blank. She tightened her grip on his hand. “No, thanks. We’re still getting settled in.” He paused. “But maybe some other time?”</p>
<p>“How long do you plan on staying?”</p>
<p>“We’re not really sure.” Until they find Azula, alive and in one piece. Until they find her, just her body, mangled. No life in her. Until they find whoever stole her away. “I don’t think Azula will want us to stay around too long, when we find her.”</p>
<p>Sokka muttered, “You’d be surprised.”</p>
<p>Startled, Zuko looked at him in bewilderment. What could that possibly mean?</p>
<p>Sokka shrugged at his look and hooked an arm through Toph’s leading her away. “Send a text when you can,” he called back.</p>
<p>Aang lingered behind, shuffling his feet.</p>
<p>Mai let go of his hand. “I’m gonna go on ahead,” she said.</p>
<p>He looked at her in confusion. Weren’t they going to walk together?</p>
<p>She looked pointedly at Aang.</p>
<p>Oh. <em>Oh</em>. He winced but nodded anyway. He murmured goodbye and couldn’t help the slight panic that escaped from inside his chest onto his face. What was this going to be? A confrontation? A witch trial?</p>
<p>“So,” Aang said when Mai was out of earshot, “You’re sorry?”</p>
<p>Zuko nodded. He couldn’t speak. It felt like all his shame and worry was stuck in his throat.</p>
<p>“That’s great!” Aang shot his hands up. He twirled briefly, as if he couldn’t control his excitement and, as he did, Zuko caught sight of a dark pink mottling of flesh striking down his back.</p>
<p>He felt nauseous. “Yeah,” he echoed, “great.”</p>
<p>Aang beamed at him, seemingly unaware of Zuko’s sudden inner turmoil. “Can I message you to make plans to meet up. Though,” he turned downcast, “I don’t think Katara would want to see you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” His head was still full of images of the scar and the night it happened. It had been his fault. He could’ve stopped it at any time.</p>
<p>He could’ve stopped Azula.  </p>
<p>“Zuko?” Aang looked concerned. “Are you alright?”</p>
<p>Zuko nodded. “Yeah, sorry. Was just thinking about something.”</p>
<p>Aang solemnly said, “Don’t worry, Zuko. We’ll find her.”</p>
<p>Right. He had no idea what he was actually thinking about. It was right to assume he’d be thinking about his missing sister. He cursed himself. He should be thinking about her. It should be consuming his every thought. He shouldn’t be dwelling on -past mistakes, no matter how horrible they were. No matter how much he regretted them.</p>
<p>“Well,” Aang said, “I’ll see you! I’ll text you tomorrow so we can set up a time and place to hang out. Bring Mai and Ty Lee!” He bounced away.</p>
<p>Zuko watched home go and, as he stepped our from under the roof of the police building, the sky once again broke open.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Deep Green</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>            Dear Zuko, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Do you remember the night we were the closest to getting in trouble? In the school laboratory? You had a project with that one girl, Katara. Instead of being disgusted and offended that you would even be assigned to such a plebian you seemed to be enjoying it. That’s when I decided to step in. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            It was the final night of the project and you were staying after school with her. Ty Lee, Mai, and me showed up right after their little gang did. I decided to mess with them – teach them a lesson. What better way to learn a lesson than a little scarring? You would know, wouldn’t you? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I made the mixture and, when they were distracted, poured it down the monk’s back. He screamed in an awful way and then everybody was screaming. I blamed it on you, of course. A lab accident gone wrong. They got in trouble, anyway, because what on Earth were they doing there after school hours? We had snuck away. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Father was so proud of you I was almost jealous. Almost. I knew – know I’m Father’s favorite and will always be. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            My therapist says I should apologize to those losers. That I “need to make amends”. But why would I? I was in the right and they were in the wrong. I am better than them, and they are lesser than me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Except, Sokka, the girl’s brother, is quite smart. He said he’s going to an Ivy League school for engineering, but I don’t know whether to believe him or not. One day, he invited me over to his apartment and I agreed because what better way to uncover secrets than by being in their very living space? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            It was, surprisingly, neat. Everything had a function, and everything was aligned just so. I concluded that he has some sort of OCD – symmetry and orderliness based. I doubt I’m wrong. The only thing that could be considered messy was his notebooks – piles of them towering about on his desk where leftover blueprints were. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            He wanted to show me something, he said. He handed me a gift-wrapped monstrosity. Seriously, Zuzu, it was terrible! It was wrapped in layers upon layers of wrapping and it was Christmas themed. How out of style can you be? What was underneath it was worse – a clearly handmade mug shaped like some sort of creature – two lumps for ears and a tail. It was painted black so I can only assume it was an attempt at a cat. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            He said it was a “welcoming” gift. That since we were now neighbors, we should begin working on more cordial relations. Of course, he didn’t say it like that but that’s what I took from it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Now, Zuzu. How have you been? Have you been ruminating your past failures? Because I have. An example – that boy, Jet. Remember him? I do. Did you think I wouldn’t find out about him? About your little escapades with one another into the night all summer long? I knew. I knew about all of it. </em>
</p>
<p><em>            You’re lucky I never told Father. Imagine what kind of scarring he’d give you then. I figured you deserved your little break. After all, it was temporary. Remember the look he gave you, that night in the laboratory? Oh, the </em>betrayal<em>. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>A LIST OF PEOPLE YOU HAVE FAILED</em>
</p>
<ul>
<li><em>Father</em></li>
<li><em>Grandfather</em></li>
<li><em>Great Grandfather</em></li>
<li><em>Mother, if she were here</em></li>
<li><em>I’m sure you’ve failed in replacing Uncle’s son</em></li>
<li><em>Jet</em></li>
<li><em>Me</em></li>
</ul>
<hr/>
<p>            It was supposed to be a peaceful walk. They were supposed to simply walk home, enjoying the petrichor of the air. The English major in him delighted in being able to use that word. He was supposed to guide her gently around puddles, she was supposed to pull him out from under dripping canopies of leaves. It was supposed to be good.</p>
<p>            Instead, they made it as far as the park before they ran into a group of people. He had only noticed them at the corner of his vision at first, but then one shadow broke off from the rest and came towards them. It was hard to make out their features in the dusky light of the evening, but he couldn’t have forgotten that voice. Nor the anger in it.</p>
<p>            “You fucker, you should’ve stayed away.”</p>
<p>            Jet.</p>
<p>            Memories hit Zuko all at once, soft memories, heated memories. Angry memories. Memories full of blood and rage, that left him boiling over and crying for many nights after.</p>
<p>            He shook his head. Mai was tense besides him.</p>
<p>            Jet was still striding towards them, fists clenched by his sides as though restraining himself from throwing a punch.</p>
<p>            “Jet,” he rasped out. He cleared his throat. He didn’t know why it was so dry. The air was humid. He was sweating in the chill.</p>
<p>            Zuko,” Jet mocked back. “<em>Sozin</em>.”  </p>
<p>            Zuko flinched at the venom in the last name, the way it seemed to curdle and fall off Jet’s tongue with a thud.</p>
<p>            “Wait,” Mai interrupted, “this is Jet? <em>The</em> Jet?”</p>
<p>            He gritted his teeth at Jet’s raised brow and watched him take stock of their hands entwined together. His face shuttered, frothing rage at Zuko’s mere presence taking over. “Yes, Mai. The Jet.”</p>
<p>            “What are you doing here? Huh? Here to terrorize some more people? Maybe burn down a hospital or two? Or wait,” a cruel smile stretched across his lips, “are you gonna pin down and scar another teenager.” He clicked his tongue. “You think that with your own you would’ve had a bit more compassion.”</p>
<p>            Zuko was frozen, overwhelmed completely by the tirade spilling from Jet’s mouth. The words just kept pouring, hateful and burning. He bit his lip, hard.</p>
<p>            “Hey!” Mai stepped forward, still holding his hand. “We didn’t know Azula was going to do that. We didn’t think it had anything harmful in it. Azula normally isn’t so…,” she hesitated the briefest second, “stupid.” She glanced out of the corner of her eye as though Azula was suddenly going to appear.</p>
<p>            He hadn’t known that she was still a bit afraid of Azula. He thought her leaving her all those years ago had been a defiant smack in the face at any fear of his sister. Guess he was wrong.</p>
<p>            “You’re so pretty when you’re mad,” he whispered.</p>
<p>            She quirked her lips the slightest amount and he felt as though he was thawed from the inside out. He stepped forward, suddenly with newfound courage to face his past.</p>
<p>            “Jet, I’m here on family business-”</p>
<p>            “So, you are here to do something bad!” Jet pointed accusingly at him. He stepped forward until he was right up in Zuko’s face, looking down at him.</p>
<p>            Zuko flushed, unreasonably flustered, and glanced to Mai for help. She shrugged and let go of his hand, taking a step back to watch the fight that was probably about to ensue. He knew she wasn’t abandoning him – rather, she had a knife hidden somewhere on her body that she would use if necessary. He didn’t know where, though. It was a pleasant surprise each day.</p>
<p>            “No, Jet-”, he tried.</p>
<p>            “Stop.” Jet bit out, “Saying my name. You don’t deserve to.”</p>
<p>            Ouch. That hurt. Zuko is cast back to the time he first met Jet, to when he first said his name.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            So, here’s the thing. Zuko met Jet one warm, fall evening when the trees were canopies of red and everything burst with the land’s last stand of color. Ozai was, blessedly, away on a business trip and he had brought Azula with him. Mother was gone by this point. Uncle came and went. He was sixteen.</p>
<p>            Funny enough, it had been in the very same park that they were standing in. He ran into a boy, taller than him, with skin the color of tree bark and hair to match. His eyes were dark, like a cloudy night sky. It was when he was comparing eye colors to nature that he should’ve realized he wanted to be an English major.</p>
<p>            He’d just cut his hair, he remembered. It was new, feeling the breeze at the nape of his neck.</p>
<p>            “Hey!” Jet had called. “You go to the high school here?” At Zuko’s nod, he continued, “Neat. Think you could show me around, sometime? Just moved back here and can’t really remember where everything is.”</p>
<p>            Zuko narrowed his eyes at him incredulously. A random kid his age wanting him, specifically him, to show him around? As if. It must’ve been some kind of set up. “No, I’m good.”</p>
<p>            The boy’s face fell a bit before coming back full charm. “Well, my name’s Jet. Nice to meet ya.”</p>
<p>            “Zuko.” He thrust out his hand. The boy, Jet, looked at it strangely before taking it. His hands were large and calloused. He’d get to know those hands more intimately, later on. “Though you probably already know that.”</p>
<p>            “Um…no? I literally just met you.”</p>
<p>            Zuko flushed, taken aback. People normally knew who he was by first name alone. This guy must really be from out of town. This…this could be an opportunity. “Ah…sorry. You know what, I actually can show you around…Jet.”</p>
<p>            Jet grinned at him. “Great.”</p>
<p>            And that was the start of something that would bring him laughter, bring him warmth, bring him tears and pain and regret about what could’ve been.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            He blinked back to the present, were only a couple seconds had passed. Right. Jet wasn’t in his life anymore. He probably wouldn’t ever be again.</p>
<p>            “Azula is missing,” he finally says, bluntly. “I came back to town to help find her.”</p>
<p>            Jet stepped back. “I see.” He paused. “For how long?”</p>
<p>            If Zuko wasn’t on such bad terms with him, he could’ve hugged the man. For perhaps the first time, someone asked with – if not quite concern – a bit of care. But then, Jet knew about losing people.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            Zuko and Jet had been messing around the entire summer together and managed to last a few weeks into school. But then, the incident with the laboratory happened. Jet and his group had come in as it was happening. Zuko couldn’t deny the family resemblance between him and Azula, nor how he was just standing there, watching it happen.</p>
<p>            He had suddenly become someone Jet no longer knew. Or someone he had thought he did.</p>
<p>            “You’re a <em>Sozin</em>,” he had spat when they were in the parking lot by themselves.</p>
<p>            “Jet, please-”</p>
<p>            “Shut up!” They stood in silence for what felt like an eternity to Zuko. It stretched on and on, like an animal being carved from it’s very skin. The sky had burned red, not unlike the day they had met beneath the canopy of trees. “Do you know why I moved away when I was eight? Because I was placed in foster care.”</p>
<p>            Zuko furrowed his brows. He knew that. They had talked about it over the summer, Jet’s ragtag upbringing.  </p>
<p>            “Do you know how I lost my family?”</p>
<p>            He shook his head.</p>
<p>            “The fucking factory fire. The one that spread to the hospital. Both of my parents were in the hospital when it cut fire.” He laughed bitterly. Sadly. Something in his eyes shimmered besides the rage. “My mom had just given birth, Zuko. <em>Sozin</em>.”</p>
<p>            With that, he left. Shoulders hunched and kicking the ground as he went. Zuko was left, shaking like a leaf beneath the horrors of his family tree.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            “About a week, now.”</p>
<p>            Jet stepped forward. Another step, and then another, getting so close that Zuko was afraid he’d punch him. But instead, he walked past him with a cool indifference. A couple of feet away, he stopped. “I don’t have any love for your family but…,” he looked back, eyes sad and angry and churning like the dark ocean, “I know what it’s like to lose family. I hope you find her.”</p>
<p>            With that, he was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Healing Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dear Zuko, </em>
</p>
<p><em>            Sokka has been unnerving me. </em>He<em> is unnerving. We both know and remember that I’ve done things that would be considered terrible by other people to him and his band of misfits. Yet he hasn’t been taking it out on me. Why? </em></p>
<p>
  <em>            Instead, he’s…neutral. Friendly, even. Helps me when I’m carrying too much in the elevator. Nods at me with a grin as we pass by each other. He asks for nothing in return, yet I feel as though I am paying some sort of penance. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Disgusting. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Speaking of disgusting, remember Mother? I don’t because she left when I was six. You were her favorite though, and older, so you must have some fond memories. I vaguely remember a pond full of ducks and turtles. </em>
</p>
<p><em>            I do remember the night she left, though. She didn’t come to see me. Did she visit you? Father had just asked Grandfather to name him heir now that Uncle lost his only son – a mugger, can you believe that? Someone of the </em>Sozin<em> line getting mugged. Disgraceful. And how perfect for Father. Yet, Grandfather said no. “No”. I don’t think Father had ever heard that word till that moment. So, unsettled, we went to bed. In the morning, Grandfather was dead, and Father was named heir. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>            Mother was gone. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            It was all very tidy, wasn’t it? Except, Father told me stories, cautionary tales, of your reaction. Of how you screamed and cried and begged. You never learn, Zuzu. No amount of begging can stop the pain from coming. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Another disturbing thought crosses my mind – more bloody pouches have found their way into my mailbox. I dream of being burnt at the stake, now. What could they possibly hope to achieve by doing this? Magic isn’t real, neither are curses. None of it is real yet I find myself jumping at shadows that seem a bit too alive and paling at faces that blink briefly into existence. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Look at me, writing all poetic-like. I almost sound like you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            There haven’t been any letters from Father. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I’ve been hearing Mother’s voice. At least what I remember of it.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>            That night, Zuko explored the mansion. He went into dusty guest rooms, unused in years, the attic, the basement. The last two gave him chills – utterly empty besides old family portraits. The faces of his ancestors stared back at him through generations upon generations and he felt the weight of their judgement upon his shoulders.</p>
<p>            Then, he went into his father’s study.</p>
<p>            It looked exactly as he last remembered it. Ornate and overdone with gold trim on everything: gold lanterns, gold tipped chairs, even a golden fountain pen sat on the desk. He picked it up and pricked his finger with it – dry. He looked to the fireplace and couldn’t help the flinch that escaped him. Mai was asleep. There was no one to comfort him. He had to be strong by himself, like how he thought he had to be in the early days.</p>
<p>            It was, obviously, unlit. Ash still littered the base of it. He knelt and poked a finger in. Soft. His father’s hand had been surprisingly soft as it cupped his face. Then, he felt pain. He brought his finger up to his face. Bleeding. Pricked by something unknown.</p>
<p>            He had used the fireplace poker to scar him – to brand him. He didn’t stop at letting it rest on his son’s face. He rolled it around, back, and forth over his eye and to his ear. A quarter of his face was forever marred because he stood up for some faraway workers who had wanted to unionize.</p>
<p>            For a long time after that, he threw away kindness.</p>
<p>            He looked to his right, at the rack of pokers and wondered if his was still there. Then he noticed something – a seam in the wall besides the fireplace. One that extended far up. He stood and knocked on it. Hollow.</p>
<p>            He furrowed his brows. What was this? He pushed gently on it and felt it give a little. He pushed harder and, with a groan, the wall gave in, the fireplace spinning around to reveal a room inside.</p>
<p>            What. The. Fuck.</p>
<p>            He slowly entered the room, into pitch black, and felt along the wall for a switch. After searching fruitlessly for a couple minutes, he found it and as the light turned on, a shadow moved at the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>            He spun and blinked against the sudden glare of light but there was nobody there. His heart raced. He could feel the hairs at the nape of his neck standing up. Then, he took in the room and his mouth dropped.</p>
<p>            It was dark, painted black. There were weird, white squiggles on the wall. Sigils? A bookshelf covered an entire wall and was full of what looked like ancient books. One giant sigil covered the center of the floor and before it was some kind of altar – gold engraved, of course.</p>
<p>            This…explained a lot, actually. About his father, about the kind of life he was forced to endure. Maybe it was why his mother left. Maybe she found out that her husband was very extensively, going by the sheer number of books, into the occult. A worshipper of some sorts, too, going by the alter. But what could he possibly be worshipping?</p>
<p>            Zuko shook his head and turned the light off. He stepped out of the room, leaving the fireplace open. He resolved to show this to Mai tomorrow.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            The next morning found him being frantically shaken awake by Mai. Grogginess pinched his eyes together and crust from dried drool forms a line down his chin. He wiped at it with his t-shirt. “What is it?”</p>
<p>            “There’s someone here,” Mai said, “She wants to see you.”</p>
<p>            “She?”</p>
<p>            Zuko got presentable and pondered the walk downstairs who it could possibly be. He didn’t really no anyone, outside of Ty Lee and Mai. But Ty Lee would’ve just walked in. Mai was besides him, fingers drumming a beat against her thighs. What did she have to be nervous about?</p>
<p>            As they walk down the stairs, he noticed the door has been left open and a woman, just a shadow in the light, stood in the frame. She’s tall and slender. That’s all he could see. Then, she stepped out of the light and he stumbled over the last few steps.</p>
<p>            She looked different. It had been years after all. He’d last seen her as a child, in the middle of the night. The shadows had hung over her face.</p>
<p>            “Mom?” He choked out.</p>
<p>            She looked at him with stricken eyes. “Zuko?”</p>
<p>            Why was she hesitating? Could she not recognize her own son? But then, he remembered the scar that marred a portion of his face.</p>
<p>            “Oh, baby, what happened?” She rushed towards him and held out her hands to cup his face, gently tracing over the scar. She smelled like lilies and freshly-cleaned clothes. He closed his eyes, savoring the warmth of her fingertips.</p>
<p>            ‘<em>A mother,</em>’ he thought, ‘<em>I have a mother.</em>’</p>
<p>            A mother who loved them yet left them. He stepped back, to Mai’s side. “Ozai. Why are you here?”</p>
<p>            She looked at him sternly. He flushed before remembering that he was an adult and she had left his life over a decade ago. She had no say over him, as much as he wished it otherwise.</p>
<p>            “I mean, it’s wonderful to see you. But why now? After all this time?”</p>
<p>            Her eyes turned sad and serious. “Iroh told me Azula was missing. I came to help find her.”</p>
<p>            “Uncle’s been in contact with you?” His heart picked up as anger reared it’s head and slithered up his throat. “This entire fucking time?”</p>
<p>            “Zuko!”</p>
<p>            He was overwhelmed by so many feelings at once: anger, happiness, confusion, love. It mixed inside him, filling him up until finally, he burst, “You left us, and he knew where you were?! I spent years wondering where you were. Why you had left. <em>How</em> you could leave. Especially alone with,” he bit out, “that man.”</p>
<p>            “I didn’t want to leave you, Zuko, please believe me-”</p>
<p>            “It wasn’t just me you left. You left Azula, too.”</p>
<p>            She straightened. “I know. And I know I haven’t always treated her fairly. I saw too much of Ozai in her. That was my mistake. But I’m here to right things, now.”</p>
<p>            Mai grazed her hand against his and he glanced at her. Her gaze was almost unreadable, but he could see a shard of pleading in her eyes. Why should he forgive his mother? After what she did, what she caused? The scar seemed to stretch tightly over his eye. It wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t left.</p>
<p>            But he didn’t know that did he? His mother most likely wouldn’t have been able to control Ozai anymore than Iroh or Azulon could. And she loved them. He knew that. She loved her children. She wouldn’t have left if didn’t have to.</p>
<p>            Yet he couldn’t help but feel angry.</p>
<p>            ‘<em>It’s okay</em>,’ Mai’s thumb across his palm said, ‘<em>It’s okay to be angry. But don’t lash out.</em>’</p>
<p>            ‘<em>Okay</em>,’ he squeezed back, ‘<em>I’ll be fine</em>.’</p>
<p>            She stepped away and he went forward till he was face to face with his mother. She was as tall as him, he realized. She’d always been so tall when he was a child but now, they were standing at the same height.</p>
<p>            “I don’t know if I can forgive you for leaving me, us, yet. Or ever. But,” he said at her crestfallen look, “you’re my mother and I still love you.”</p>
<p>            “Oh, Zuko, thank you.” She took his hands in hers and gripped them tightly, warmly. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>            Seeing her in the flesh, he was reminded of something he read in Azula’s journal. “Mom,” he started, “have you been around town lately? To see Azula?”</p>
<p>            She furrowed her brows, “No, I haven’t been here since…”. He understood what was left unsaid. Before she left. “Why?”</p>
<p>            Over a cup of tea in one of the small entertaining rooms near the kitchen, he quickly catches her up to date on everything. The police, Sokka, Jet. God, talking about Jet was embarrassing. The journal.</p>
<p>            “Azula mentioned hearing your voice. I wasn’t sure if she was actually hearing you or…”, he hesitated. Mai sat quietly by his side, taking everything in.</p>
<p>            “Or if she was unwell,” Ursa finished simply.</p>
<p>            “Yeah.”</p>
<p>            She sighed. “I’d always been concerned for your sister’s wellbeing, especially her mental state, ever since she was a child. She was a cruel, wicked thing. Borderline a monster, like her father.”</p>
<p>            “Mom!” Zuko sat shocked. Mai’s hand was clenched around a knife and her eyes were so sharp they seemed as though they could slice right into Ursa.</p>
<p>            “Azula,” Mai said, “was six when you left. You only knew her for six years and, from what I’ve gathered, you weren’t very present in her life as a guiding force.”</p>
<p>            Ursa looked chagrined. “You’re right, dear. I shouldn’t take my hatred for Ozai out on Azula, I just can’t help seeing him in her. It didn’t help that she adored him.”</p>
<p>            Well, it wasn’t quite an apology, but it was a start.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            His mother would be staying at a hotel in town. “Too many bad memories,” she said about the mansion before quickly writing down her room number on a napkin from her purse. “I’ll see you soon, though.”</p>
<p>            Mai went downtown with Ty Lee at his prompting. He had a phone call to make and with the rage that was simmering beneath his skin, he felt as though it wasn’t going to be pleasant.</p>
<p>            “Zuko!” Iroh answered.</p>
<p>            “Uncle,” he replied simply.</p>
<p>            “What’s wrong?” A pang of guilt in his chest – his uncle always knew when something was up. ‘<em>But he deserves this</em>,’ he convinced himself.</p>
<p>            “Why did you never tell me you knew where Mother was?”</p>
<p>            A pause. Zuko waited with a deceptive patience. “Oh, dear.”</p>
<p>            “Yes,” he said acidly, “Oh, dear.” With that, he began.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Beautiful Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            <em>Dear Zuko, </em></p>
<p>
  <em>            Zuko, Zuko, Zuko. Silly Zuko. How do you howl with a mouth so full? I read that line once, somewhere. It didn’t strike anything in me, but I remembered it last night as I lay, unable to sleep. How can I feel this much? So much fear?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Things have been moving. Disappearing only to reappear some indeterminate amount of time later in a place it most certainly wasn’t before. Cups, plants, clothing. I don’t understand, Zuzu. I don’t understand. Am I doing it? I don’t believe so, but it’s been getting harder to remember things lately. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Sokka and me have been at odds, lately. I blamed him, accusing him of using my newly found trust in him to get inside my apartment. He denied it, of course. I don’t know if I quite believe the accusation myself but who else could it be? It makes sense, doesn’t it? He lost his mother in the hospital fire. We bullied him, his family, and his friends all throughout school. I even went so far as to injure the pacifist. He knows where my mailbox is from helping me with packages. He could be the one delivering those nasty things to me. He is part of the local indigenous community – who knows what kind of stuff they believe in and the practices they do. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I don’t remember why we bullied them. I think it was because it made Father proud to stomp out the weak beneath our feet. I mentioned this to my therapist, and she applauded me for my “breakthrough”. A breakthrough of what? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>My psychiatrist is concerned. She believes I’m the one moving things around and simply forgetting about it. She thinks it might be some disorder but that’s ridiculous. I would know, wouldn’t I? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            In other news, it’s the anniversary of the trial. The second one. The one where Uncle and you came into ruin Father. Do you regret it? Testifying and tearing the family apart? Making it my sole responsibility to bring the business back up from ashes? Then Uncle and you dragged me away to Ba Sing Se for four terrible years until I turned eighteen and was able to leave you fools, dawdling away in that dumb teashop. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            “Abuse”, the judges declared. “Child abuse”. “Foul company practices.” “Sabotage.” Even “murder”. How could Uncle possibly believe that Father was responsible for Lu Ten’s death? It was an unfortunate incident but one free of foul play. Sozin’s do not turn on each other. Yet, this generation seems to be full of traitors. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I’ll admit: the scar was a bit harsh of Father. It’s something I realized lately. You were only doing what you thought was in the best interests of the company to keep the employees from striking. It was the wrong thing, but you were trying. Father was rash in his judgement. I am not sorry for you, but you do have my pity, brother. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I no longer have the energy to make lists.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>            Zuko invited Sokka over the next day to meet his mother and to update him about what he’s found. Absolutely nothing, besides the strange room in his father’s study. When he brought it up to his mother, she looked unnerved.</p>
<p>            “I never knew your father to be into any sort of religion, much less the occult.”</p>
<p>            “Maybe it was from some ancestor,” he theorized.</p>
<p>            “Maybe.” Yet she still appeared troubled. However, before he could inquire, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. He opened it to Sokka standing there with his hands in his jean pockets.</p>
<p>            “Hey, Jerk-”, he cut off at the sight of Ursa behind him, eyes going wide. “Woah. You look like Azula.”</p>
<p>            She laughed softly. “Azula is my daughter. You live next to her, right?”</p>
<p>            “Yep.” For some strange reason, Sokka looked incredibly nervous to be in the presence of his mother. Zuko narrowed his eyes at him. Sokka’s tan skin paled. What exactly was going on between Azula and him?</p>
<p>            “Zuko, let him in already.”</p>
<p>            “Yeah, Zuko. Let me in.” Sokka tried to grin bravely but failed miserably.</p>
<p>            Zuko stepped aside and gestured him in. They sat in the same entertaining room as Mai, his mother, and him had sat the morning before. Ursa made them all tea which Sokka cautiously sipped at, only to grimace. He quickly hid it with a delighted slurp when Ursa turned towards him.</p>
<p>            “This is good,” he enthusiastically said.  </p>
<p>            Zuko snorted. Ursa glared at him before thanking Sokka.</p>
<p>            “So, what has Zhao been doing?”</p>
<p>            Sokka sighed and set his cup down. “Nothing.”</p>
<p>            “What?”</p>
<p>            “Exactly that. Nothing. He hasn’t even had posters made even though I gave them a photo of Azula.”</p>
<p>            “You have photos of Azula?” He paused. “Azula willing was in photos for you?”</p>
<p>            Sokka shifted, “Well, they were more like photos taken at strategic times but whatever.”</p>
<p>            Ursa interrupted, looking pale, “Zhao?”</p>
<p>            Zuko nodded, “Yeah. Wasn’t he one of Ozai’s old friends.”</p>
<p>            “An associate,” Ursa corrected, “a slimy one. I’m not surprised he’s impeding the investigation.”</p>
<p>            “But wouldn’t he want to find Azula? She was Ozai’s favorite.”</p>
<p>            “Your father – Ozai, was a cruel man. He may have preferred Azula but that did not mean he loved her. Zhao would’ve recognized this and decided against trying to find her now that Ozai is in prison.”</p>
<p>            They sat in silence for a few moments before Sokka spoke. “Have you checked the mansion for any clues? I swept through her apartment but found nothing out of order.”</p>
<p>            “No. I can call Mai and Ty Lee, though, to help out.” The mansion was huge, after all. It would take more than three people to search. “Do you know anyone else who’d be willing to help?”</p>
<p>            “I could get Aang over here, and maybe Suki.”</p>
<p>            “Suki?”</p>
<p>            Sokka looked embarrassed, “My ex. We’re still friends.”</p>
<p>            Zuko furrowed his brows. He vaguely remembers Suki as a sportsy girl in the same grade as him. She was captain of whatever sports she played. But didn’t she get into a fight with Azula once? He voiced the thought aloud and Sokka waved it away.</p>
<p>            “She’s big on justice, so she’ll be willing to help out if she’s free.”</p>
<p>            He nodded. They parted ways near the entrance, Ursa beginning the search while Sokka and Zuko called their respective friends. It wasn’t long before they were all grouped together in front hall.</p>
<p>            Zuko looked over this unlikely group of mismatched people brought together by a dire situation and wondered if they would stay together after this or if Azula would tear them apart when she was found. He shook his head. He shouldn’t be thinking bad things about his sister right now. Besides, it seemed as though she’d change, at least a little bit. A line from her journal echoed in his head: “<em>I’ll admit: the scar was a bit harsh of Father</em>.” Years ago, she never would’ve admitted such a thing.</p>
<p>            “Alright,” he announced, “we’re going to split up into groups, so no one gets lost. Choose who you want to go with.” He gave them the option, yet he knew who was going to pair with who and, as expected, Mai and Ty Lee, and Sokka and Suki grouped up into two groups. Leaving him with Aang. He winced. This was going to be awkward.</p>
<p>            Aang beamed at him and bounced over. Zuko looked towards Mai with begging eyes but she shook her head with a small smile. ‘<em>Suffer’</em>, she mouthed. Wow.</p>
<p>            “Okay, let’s spread out-”</p>
<p>            “Who made you leader?” Suki asked.</p>
<p>            He floundered, “It-it’s my house…”.</p>
<p>            She rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. “God, I was joking. You’re so awkward.” With that, she grabbed Sokka’s arm and dragged him off to a random direction. Ty Lee waved and similarly dragged Mai off in the opposite direction.</p>
<p>            “Right,” Zuko sighed. He looked at Aang. “Let’s start upstairs, then.”</p>
<p>            “Okay!”</p>
<hr/>
<p>             They searched through half of the upstairs for an hour before finally, uncomfortably, reaching his parent’s old bedroom. Aang had been nothing but enthusiastic, peaking beneath dressers and feeling along the frames of doorways. He’d gotten so much more taller since Zuko last saw him. It was surreal.</p>
<p>            Aang had barreled into the master bedroom but Zuko entered cautiously. It looked virtually untouched. Virtually. The red comforter on the large, king-sized was slightly ruffled. It must’ve been from when Ty Lee was tidying up the rooms and was uncertain as to where Zuko and Mai would be staying.</p>
<p>            The room had no personality besides grandeur. It was all red cloth, gold trim, and mahogany wood. He cringed at it. He’d been so used to the simpler life of teashops and one bedroom apartments. Uncle had gotten him used to that life.</p>
<p>            “Hey, Zuko?”</p>
<p>            He broke out of his thoughts. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>            “I found something.” Aang was standing before a decorative, round glass stand with only a letter opener on it. He was holding what appeared to be a letter. “I think you should look at it.” His normally jovial voice was somber and…fearful?</p>
<p>            Zuko walked over and took it from his hands. It <em>was</em> a letter. One addressed to the nearby prison, from Azula. He pulled out the letter. It was simple, lined paper but on it was scratchy, frantic penmanship. Something very unlike his sister. It had three words on it that sent chills down his spine: ‘<em>Help me, daddy’</em>.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            After gathering everybody up and briefing them on what they found, he shooed everybody except Mai away and promptly went to bed early, without dinner. He couldn’t stomach it. Throse three words echoed throughout his mind for hours until he finally fell asleep. ‘<em>Help me, daddy</em>.’</p>
<p>            That night, he dreamt of his childhood. It was when they were young, Azula and him. Honestly, it should’ve been too long ago to remember. Yet, something stirred in him that night.</p>
<p>            <em>Azula and him ran, laughing, around the rim of the duck and turtle pond, taking turns chasing one another. His mother sat nearby at one of the picnic benches. “Be careful, you two!” She called out, “And don’t dirty your clothes this time!” </em></p>
<p>
  <em>            They ignored her, of course. It was bright and sunny out. Azula launched into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He spun with her on him, and they toppled to the ground, giggling. “Zuzu!” She shouted. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            “Lala!” He mocked back. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            He scrambled up, grass stains on his knees and elbows, and ran towards his mother. He paused halfway there to make sure Azula was behind him, coming too, and then continued. When he got there, he chucked his shoes off and demanded of his mother, “Bread!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            “Say please,” she scolded. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            He grinned sheepishly at her, “May I please have some bread, mom?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Azula finally caught up and also slid her shoes off, stumbling a bit as she did so. “Mom, bread!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Their mother sighed, smiling, and handed them a basket full of breadcrumbs. “Make sure to be gentle with the animals, all right?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            “We will!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Zuko took Azula by the hand and, together, they stumbled through grass and dirt to the muddy side of the pond where they waded in a few feet. Azula fisted one hand at the back of his shirt and another into the basket, then threw the crumbs at the approaching ducks. “Eat, ducks!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            “Azula! You gotta be nicer.” He grabbed a chunk of bread and gently tossed it to the duck. But by then, she’d gotten bored and wandered back towards the bank to poke at the turtles. Zuko sighed but turned back to the ever-approaching ducks. They came up to a few feet away and quacked. He smiled and tossed more bread. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Then, Azula screamed. “Mom! Zuzu!” </em>
</p>
<p><em>            Zuko twisted around to see a black figure with its arms wrapped around Azula dragging her away. She sobbed and fought widely. Zuko ran through the water but it seemed to turn to sludge around his legs. “Mom!” He shouted. He turned towards the bench but, instead of his mother, there stood Ozai. A small smile twisted onto his father’s face. Azula screamed again, further away but sounding older this time. “Zuko, </em>save me<em>!”</em></p>
<p>            Zuko jolted awake and sat up, panting heavily. He was covered in sweat. Mai slept by his side. Suddenly, a shadow moved out of the corner of his vision, near the window. He swept the cover off him and jumped up.</p>
<p>            But nothing was there.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Beautiful Crime</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>            Dear Zuko, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I’m starting to get tired of this journal nonsense. What’s the point? Nobody is ever going to read it. Just because you gave me a journal years ago doesn’t mean I have to write in it. I don’t owe you anything. You never even tried to keep in contact with me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I didn’t apologize to Sokka for doubting him, however, I bought him this rubbish mug. Hideous thing it was. It was supposed to be a wolf head but looks as though it was molded by the hands of a child. He, surprisingly, made me laugh when I gave it to him. I don’t remember what he said. I’ve been having a hard time remembering, lately. But it was the first time I’ve laughed around someone besides Ty Lee in a while. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            You know, he misses his mother very much. I can’t relate. He says he can’t remember what she looks like. Something I understand because, as you know, our family didn’t keep photos. Whatever photos Mother captured she either took with her or were discarded. I’m not sure what to do about his sadness. It almost makes me regret the factory fire and all that it brought us. We were rich without it so what was the point of it? It was a waste of resources. I don’t intend to say such to Father when he is released. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            My psychiatrist has officially diagnosed me with psychosis. She believes that I’m just seeing all of this stuff, that I’m the one making those little “gifts”, that all of this is in my head. I don’t want to believe that but what if it’s true? What if all of this is just in my head? How can I continue living the life I strive for like this? I saw Mother in the mirror a couple of days ago. She was standing right behind me, a hand reached out as if to put on my shoulder. I was brushing my hair and got startled – I threw the brush at the mirror and shattered it. In the shards, I could still see her face over and over and over again. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            If it is true that this is all in my head, that this is not at the hands of somebody who despises our family, then I must control myself. I cannot have episodes such as that one in public where somebody, local or influential, could see me. I will not let this change anything I plan on achieving in my life. Even if I don’t know what is happening.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>            He didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. Just tossed and turned and jostled Mai enough that she shoved him off to the couch in an adjourning room. Eventually, around the time the sunrise was breaking open the horizon, he got up and made himself some tea. He winced as he took the first sip, then tossed the rest into the sink. Uncle would’ve scolded him if he saw him do that.</p>
<p>            Then, he padded his way up to the study. He was going to look around a bit more in that room. The halls were dark and silent, his footsteps echoing. He didn’t bother turning on the light until he reached the study. He blinked at the brightness. Then, he went to the fireplace and did the same thing he did days before.</p>
<p>            There was a single light that he flicked on in the room. He wandered over the shelves, fingers brushing over dusty tomes. Most of them looked old, with aged leather and bindings. He noticed one empty spot where a book should rest. There was no dust.</p>
<p>            Shaking his head, he went to the altar in the center of the room. On it rested parchment, genuine parchment. Something even he’d rarely seen as an English major. On it were scribbles in a language he’d never before seen. The characters were…odd, to say the least. They almost hurt to look at. He brought a finger to the page, touching the lettering. He startled, heart racing.</p>
<p>            The ink was wet.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            Mai was pissed about being woken up at six in the morning, and Sokka was looking equally frazzled but this wasn’t something that could wait. Ursa, however, looked completely put together and bright-eyed.</p>
<p>            “So, I have a theory,” Zuko began, “just hear me out. There’s no dust where a book was missing and the parchment pages I found wet had wet ink on them. Then, there’s the letter from the prison, right?”</p>
<p>            “Look, man. It’s too early for this. You sound like it’s too early for this. Can’t we do this later?”</p>
<p>            “No!” He couldn’t let the picture forming in his head vanish. “Listen, that was a letter to Ozai we found. Why would it be here?”</p>
<p>            Silence. Ursa’s face went pale and Mai and Sokka both looked troubled.</p>
<p>            Zuko continued, “If Ozai brought it here.”</p>
<p>            “But he’s in prison!”</p>
<p>            “When was he supposed to be released?”</p>
<p>            Nobody answered. They all looked at one another. Zuko, nerves jumbled from the lack of sleep and from how fast his thoughts were moving, saw a shadow dart from the side. He jumped back with a yelp, slamming into the kitchen counter behind him. He looked around frantically. There was nothing.</p>
<p>            “Zuko?” Mai said. “Are you…alright?”</p>
<p>            “I thought I saw…”, he shook his head. “Sorry. Anyway, I think it’s possible Ozai could’ve been released and Azula could’ve went to him.”</p>
<p>            “Or he took her,” Sokka said, a hard expression on his face.</p>
<p>            “I think we all know which is more likely.”</p>
<p>            “No,” Sokka said harshly, “you guys really don’t. None of you have seen her in years. I have.”</p>
<p>            Zuko flushed and raised his hands in surrender. Sokka was right. He hated to admit it but Zuko doesn’t know what his sister was like anymore. From what he gathered from the journal she was truly changing. Struggling, yes, but changing. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>            “Zuko,” said Ursa, “I’ll try to find out when Ozai was supposed to be released. You might have a solid theory.”</p>
<p>            “Thank you.”</p>
<p>            “Great!” Sokka exclaimed, “Now can I go home and get some sleep?”</p>
<p>            “Yes, but Sokka-”</p>
<p>            Sokka groaned.</p>
<p>            “-I want to see you later. We have some things to talk about.”</p>
<p>            “Yeah, okay. Because that’s not cryptic or whatever.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>            Mai had promptly guided Zuko back to bed after that and he slept for the next eight hours, blissfully unaware of the world around him. His dreams, however, weren’t so blissful. They were full of shadows, with Azula and Ozai’s grinning faces overlapping. He woke up terribly, with a cold sweat and heavy eyes.</p>
<p>            Then, he left Mai behind at the mansion and headed to the café to meet with Sokka. Zuko would be meeting up with his mother soon after. But first, he needed to get this over with.</p>
<p>            Sokka was already there when he got there, so, after quickly ordering a drink and buying a pastry, he sat across from him and promptly asked, “What’re your intentions with my sister?”</p>
<p>            Sokka choked on his drink. A couple patrons looked over, concerned, as he coughed. Zuko sighed and slapped his back. “You’re fine. But seriously. Answer the question.”</p>
<p>            “W-what intentions? There are no intentions.” He spluttered, “None here!”</p>
<p>            “Nice try. Azula’s talked about you in here journal.”</p>
<p>            Sokka perked up. “Really? What’d she say?” Zuko just looked at him in silence. Finally, Sokka broke. “Okay, so maybe I like her. But only a little bit!”</p>
<p>            “Why do you like her?”</p>
<p>            “Honestly, who knows. She bullied my friends and me when we were younger and can be a straight-up bitch when she’s in a bad mood but…”, he sighed, “She’s snarky and accidently funny. She’s pretty. She kind of said sorry for everything. She got me a mug. And…”, his eyes turned sad, “…she said she was sorry about my mom.”</p>
<p>            Zuko sat, stunned. He hadn’t expected this. He’d expected the “pretty” comment. He honestly thought that’d be it. He feels a bit ashamed, actually, for doubting Sokka’s genuineness.</p>
<p>            Sokka continued, “I just like being around her. I can relax yet everything’s still exciting, each time.”</p>
<p>            “I see.” And he does see. That’s exactly how he feels about Mai. Like he could hold her hand and sink into her side yet exchange snips with each other at the same time. It was a warm and heavy feeling, like bathing in the sunlight. A little bit like being in love. “You said you have photos of her. Can I see them?”</p>
<p>            “Sure.” Sokka fumbled for his phone and then unlocked, clicking on some apps before handing it over. Zuko took it. It was open on a folder of photos, all Azula. He clicked the first one. There was a young woman with her hair in a bun and a classy outfit on. Azula, he realized. She really did look like their mother. And she was beautiful. Fully grown, unlike the eighteen year old he last saw. She wasn’t looking at the camera but was instead staring down at her phone. They were in her apartment.</p>
<p>            He swiped to the next one. She was outside in what appeared to be the park next to her apartment building. Her hair was half-up and she was wearing a dress with a similar aesthetic to her previous outfit. She was sitting on a bench. It looked as though Sokka was approaching her.</p>
<p>            He swiped once more and this time she was looking right at the camera, face scrunched in annoyance. They were at the same café they were currently at, her hands wrapped around a cup. Behind her was the window and people passed by.</p>
<p>            “I remember that.” Zuko jumped. Sokka was now behind him. “I finally got her to come out with me in public and take a break from studying.”   </p>
<p>            Zuko kept looking at the photo. Of course, Azula was photogenic. Why wouldn’t she be? However, this small annoyance and slight jealousy was overcome by a soft affection he hadn’t felt for a long time for his little sister. He looked past her, at the people. Suddenly, his heart stopped. His skin pricked.</p>
<p>            In the photo, across the street, was a tall man simply standing there. He was looking directly at them. He had long hair and a trimmed goatee.</p>
<p>            Ozai.</p>
<p>            “Zuko? You okay, buddy?”</p>
<p>            “No,” he choked out, “Sokka, look across the street.” Sokka looked up and Zuko rolled his eyes. “In the photo.”</p>
<p>            “Whoops.” Sokka squinted down at the phone. “The tall, creepy guy? Yeah, I see him.”</p>
<p>            “That’s my father.”</p>
<p>            “Oh. <em>Oh</em>.”</p>
<p>            “Yeah.”</p>
<p>            “Who’s that next to him?”</p>
<p>            Zuko looked closer and bit back a curse. “Zhao.”</p>
<p>            “Shit. We gotta tell my dad. He’ll know what to do.”</p>
<p>            “Your dad hasn’t exactly been willing to help so far.”</p>
<p>            “Yeah, but if it can get Zhao fired? He’ll jump on that.”      </p>
<p>            They both stood up and tossed some money on the table for a tip. Zuko would have to call his mother and reschedule for later. Or he could have her meet them there. She’d be able to approach this more calmly than he would. As he was pondering, he didn’t notice someone approaching till Sokka cursed.</p>
<p>            “Katara, look-”</p>
<p>            “Are you serious, Sokka? Him, again?”</p>
<p>            “This is important, Katara!”</p>
<p>            “Who cares about Azula? She probably just ran off!”</p>
<p>            “I do!” Sokka shouted. He lowered his voice as eyes turned to look at them. “I care.”</p>
<p>            Katara looked at him with hard eyes. “Tell me you don’t mean what I think you mean.”</p>
<p>            Sokka pursed his lips. “I can’t.”</p>
<p>            Zuko took a step back. She looked pissed. Her blue eyes raged, and her face turned flushed. “I’m telling dad.”</p>
<p>            “Katara, don’t.”</p>
<p>            “Why? Because he’ll be disappointed in you? For good reason!”</p>
<p>            Zuko interrupted, “Katara, we have more important things to do than argue about this.”</p>
<p>            “Don’t you dare talk to me-”</p>
<p>            “I’m sorry, okay!” She went silent. “I’m sorry for all the things we did to you. It was shitty and we shouldn’t have done it. But it doesn’t change the past and it doesn’t change the fact that my little sister is missing.”</p>
<p>            Emotions swirled so fiercely inside him that he felt as though he’d be sick. He was sorry. But he was angry, too, that she could disregard someone so easily. ‘<em>But</em>,’ his head told him, ‘<em>She has valid reason for it.</em>’</p>
<p>            She looked at him. And looked and looked, until he felt as though he was being torn apart by her gaze. “Fine,” she breathed. “I don’t forgive you.”</p>
<p>            “What?”</p>
<p>            “I don’t have to forgive you, if that’s what you’re expecting. As for you,” she turned to Sokka, “be prepared to face a visit from dad.”</p>
<p>            With that, she left, leaving behind the stock-still and shocked men.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Collapsed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>            Dear Zuko,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I haven’t seen Ty Lee in the past week. She keeps calling and knocking on my door, but I won’t answer. I can’t. She can’t see me like this. I won’t let her. If I do, she’ll leave me. If I’m not perfect, everyone will leave me. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I brought one of those little “gifts” to my psychiatrist to prove something – that I’m not crazy, that I am being taunted, edged on by the townsfolk. She was aghast and I thought, ‘Finally! Someone to believe me’. Then, she asked what animal I had butchered to make this. I had stared at her. She continued on, talking about institutions and wards. I then stormed out, leaving the bloody mess on the table. I probably shouldn’t have; she’ll be able to use that as evidence against me (even though it is false). But I was so overwhelmed with rage and something else, something deep and piercing, that it brought tears to my eyes. It felt a bit like hurt but why would I be hurt by someone I barely know? Even if that person was supposed to trust and listen to me? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Right after that, I went for a walk with Sokka. We went to the woods and meandered on one of the many paths littering the place. The silence was nice. The air was warm and only a bit humid. I find myself preferring the city life, however, and find myself wanting to move back to Ba Sing Se after I graduate. However, my (now old) psychiatrist thought the quiet and stillness of the country would do me good. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>             The walk was going fine. Sokka wasn’t being as annoying as usual, and we talked about college and what we’d like to do after that. Then, something happened. I looked over at him, to comment on some stupid thing about the forest, I can’t remember what, and his face wasn’t his face anymore. It wasn’t anybody’s face. It was distorted, as though someone had grabbed his nose and twisted, pulling all the skin along with it. He spoke – but it was something unnaturally deep and garbled. I felt as though my ears might bleed listening to it. I screamed, of course. As much as it pains me to admit. I also stumbled back, tripping off the side of the path. I scraped my leg. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I don’t remember much after that. I think I was hyperventilating. Sokka must have gotten me home somehow. I remember feeling warm. So, you see why I can’t see anyone. How embarrassing is that? And right after I dropped my psychiatrist, too. I missed my last therapist appointment. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I did go outside, once, when I knew Ty Lee was at yoga and Sokka at classes. I went to the old church Mother used to take us to. Do you remember? A tall, white thing with two spires. We used to think it was the tallest thing in the world when, in reality, it was small compared to the great cathedrals out there. I went and sat in one of the pews. Nobody was there. I tried to remember what Mother had looked like. I turned to the side, to look at the window and wonder if she looked like me, when I saw her. There she was in the stained glass, distorted by the black lines and colors. She was mouthing something. I don’t know what. I left immediately after that and haven’t left the apartment since. </em>
</p>
<p><em>            I feel as though somebody is watching me. Or </em>something<em>.</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>            Zuko met his mom at the police station with Sokka trailing behind him. She hugged him when she saw him, and he showed her the photo.</p>
<p>            She gasped and brought a hand to her mouth. “Yes, that’s Ozai. I would recognize him, anywhere.” She furrowed her brows. “I don’t know how we haven’t heard of him being released.”</p>
<p>            They looked at one another before Zuko answered. “We think he might have had some money hidden and paid his way out.”</p>
<p>            “Of course, he would. Well, let’s do this. We should have enough evidence to get the police officially involved in this.”</p>
<p>            Zuko took a deep breath and prepared himself. The last couple of times he was here weren’t exactly the best. They enter the station and, just like Sokka predicted, Hakoda was in the lobby, drinking a coffee and chatting with the secretary on duty. He looked up as they came through the door and darkness swept across his face.</p>
<p>            “Kid, this is the last time I’m telling you-”.</p>
<p>            “Hakoda,” Ursa said with firmness. She stepped out from behind Zuko. Hakoda’s face changed to shocked.</p>
<p>            “Ursa.”</p>
<p>            “Why has my son told me that, even though my daughter has been missing for over a week now, you have done nothing?”</p>
<p>            Hakoda tensed and stood up straight, setting his coffee down on the counter. “I will not let any of my people get involved with your family ever again.”</p>
<p>            “Be an adult, Hakoda! Ozai was put away and you know he was the true evil of our family.”</p>
<p>            “What about your children, then? All the years they spent bullying mine.” He gestured towards Zuko. “Do you know how many times they came home in tears because of them? Yet I couldn’t do anything because you were the great Sozins’!”</p>
<p>            “From what I’ve heard, my children have made amends or are working their way to it.”</p>
<p>            Sokka nodded in confirmation and went to speak but Hakoda cut him down with a glance. “From what <em>I’ve</em> heard, Sokka has it sweet for your girl. His opinion can’t be trusted.”</p>
<p>            “Dad!”</p>
<p>            “No, Sokka! We’ll talk about this later.”</p>
<p>            Ursa bristled. Zuko took a step away. He’s never actually seen his mother angry before. Mad, yes, when they were children. But not angry.</p>
<p>            “There is a child missing! Do you really think Kya would want you to do nothing?”</p>
<p>            Hakoda paled and then took a step towards them, looming and imposing. Zuko froze. Images of Ozai towering over him flashed in his head. He took a small step back. Hakoda seemed to notice because a guilty look flashed across his face and he leaned back.</p>
<p>            “Don’t you talk about what Kya would’ve wanted.”</p>
<p>            “She was your wife, but she was my friend first.”</p>
<p>            “Wait, what?” Sokka broke in. “You were friends with my mom?”</p>
<p>            She nodded, never taking her eyes off Hakoda, “She was my best friend. I knew her since we were in high school.”</p>
<p>            “You didn’t even have the decency to come to the funeral.”</p>
<p>            “Ozai wouldn’t let me!”</p>
<p>            One of the doors on the side opened. “What is going on out here?” Zhao stepped out, a frown on his face. It deepened when he saw who was standing in the lobby. “Well, now. What’s going on here?”</p>
<p>            Ursa ignored him and kept her attention on Hakoda. “Listen to me. I believe we have enough evidence to prove that Ozai is out of jail.”</p>
<p>            Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko saw Zhao tense and pale. He narrowed his eyes at him.</p>
<p>            “We believe he might have something to do with Azula’s disappearance. Please,” she pleaded, “I haven’t been a good friend or a good mother. But don’t let him take my baby girl from me.”</p>
<p>            “Now,” Zhao broke in, “we don’t know it was Ozai.”</p>
<p>            “We have a letter from him sent to the prison from Azula, found at the mansion. There’s also a recent photo of Azula with him in the background. Then, Zuko says there’s been mentions of him in her journal. Of Azula seeing him.”</p>
<p>            Hakoda hummed, eyes thoughtful. “I see.”</p>
<p>            “You’re not going to actually listen to this, are you?”</p>
<p>            “Zhao, shut up. There might actually be a case here.”</p>
<p>            Ursa relaxed and bowed her head, grateful. “Thank you, Hakoda. Truly.”</p>
<p>            Zuko felt himself also relax with a bone-deep relief. Finally, something was going to be done.</p>
<p>            “I can’t make any promises,” Hakoda said, “You know how people are about your family. Not all of them will be as easily convinced as I was.”</p>
<p>            Easily convinced? They practically had to storm the station and beg on their knees!</p>
<p>            “Hakoda,” Zhao barked, “You seem to believe you’re the sole chief of this unit.”</p>
<p>            Hakoda sighed in response. He dragged a hand down his face and waved them off. “I’ll be in contact with you all, later.” Ursa nodded and left him her phone number. With that, they all walked out.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            It was a beautiful night. Zuko left Sokka and Ursa back at the station, with a promise to meet up tomorrow and search the woods. He texted everybody in the group chat they made something similar and let them know the good news. Everyone agreed to meet up that afternoon and then they’d celebrate by getting coffee after searching for a bit. Iroh would also be coming tomorrow. Like he said, it was a beautiful night.</p>
<p>            It was also a comfortable night, at least until he ran into Jet on the way back to the mansion. Jet was outside a bar, leaning against the wall and smoking a cigarette. Zuko watched him flick the ashes away from him and was suddenly struck by an idea.</p>
<p>            He ran up to him. “Jet, hey!”</p>
<p>            Jet rolled his eyes and threw down the cigarette, stomping on it. He made to go back inside.</p>
<p>            “No, no, wait. I have a favor to ask of you.”</p>
<p>            Jet paused. “What?”</p>
<p>            “You know the woods real well, right? Well, me and a bunch of others are getting together tomorrow to search the woods. For Azula. Would you be able to help out?”</p>
<p>            “Who else?”</p>
<p>            “Sokka and his friends. Mai. Ty Lee.”          </p>
<p>            He scratched at one of his brows. Then, sighed. “What time?”</p>
<p>            “Two. In the afternoon.”</p>
<p>            “Obviously, dumbass. Now let me get back to work.”</p>
<p>            Zuko waved as Jet shambled back into the building, “Thank you!”</p>
<p>            Yeah, the night was good.</p>
<hr/>
<p>            At least, until he was woken up at two in the morning by a frantic pinging on his phone. He sat up, groaning. Mai sat up with him, reaching for her phone which was also going off. It was the group chat. He unlocked his phone and winced at the blue light shining in his eyes. It was messages from Sokka.</p>
<p>
  <em>            ZHAO JUST TRIED TO KILL MY DAD!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            We were able to stop him and arrest him but !!!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            We think it has something to do with Ozai. </em>
</p>
<p>            Then, from the rest of the group:</p>
<p>            <em>Ohmygod, really? </em></p>
<p>
  <em>            Are you okay? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Is your dad okay? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            He’s a bit scraped up but other than that, he’s fine. He’s tougher than he seems. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I mean, he seems pretty tough already, but go off. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            You know what I meant. </em>
</p>
<p>            “Holy shit,” Zuko said.</p>
<p>            “Holy shit,” Mai echoed.</p>
<p>            They looked at one another for a long moment before silently and mutually agreeing that this is something that can wait till the morning. It was already handled anyway. Still, they didn't sleep well that night. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Listen Before I go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>            Dear Zuko, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Something is coming for me. I can feel it. I can practically smell its breath wafting in from the windows. This is it. It’s going to all be decided, soon. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Sometimes I look out the window at the park. I see mothers carrying the children and swaddling them and try to remember what it was like to be held in such a warm grip. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I can only write in bursts, now. My hand isn’t steady enough, anymore. I’m consumed by this never-ending fear. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I never thought I’d say this, but I miss Mai. She was the perfect complement to Ty Lee. But she was leaving, right as I returned to Caldera. Do you know what she said to me when I showed up on her doorstep? “I love Zuko more than I fear you.” I hope you’re happy with her, Zuko. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Father never hit me but sometimes I wish he did. I think it would have been better than the pressure I felt from him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I’m just waiting, now. Biding my time. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I don’t know if this will be my last entry. Maybe it won’t be. Maybe it’s all actually in my head, the way they think it is. I suppose we’ll find out.</em>
</p><hr/>
<p>They meet up with Ty Lee, Suki, Sokka, Jet, and Aang the next day. Toph elected to not come. Sokka sent a message to Katara that went unread, letting her know where he was. They’d only be gone for a couple hours and only planned to do a small section of the woods. Zuko would be picking up Iroh from the station later that night.</p>
<p>            The woods were quiet except for the continuous chirping of birds and the sounds of the feet treading through pebbles and the occasional stick on the path. Jet led the way. Sokka and Zuko were right behind him, then Ty Lee and Mai, then Aang and Suki.</p>
<p>            It was green, all around. For a long moment, Zuko felt awed. Then, hopeless. How could they stand to find anything in a place so big? Sokka nudged him in the side.</p>
<p>            “Get that look off your face. Jet knows these woods like nobody else. He’ll be able to find something out of place, if there’s anything.”</p>
<p>            “Damn straight I will,” Jet swore.</p>
<p>            “Right,” Zuko mustered up a brave face. The trekked on.</p>
<p>            As they went, Zuko thought of his sister. He used to think he despised her, that she was the devil incarnate and the second worst thing to happen to him besides having Ozai for a father. He never considered that she was just a girl. He only saw the perfection.</p>
<p>            “Hey, Sokka,” Zuko asked a couple hours in, “Do you really think we’ll be able to find her?”</p>
<p>            Sokka grinned at him and Zuko’s uncertainties softened a bit. “Yeah. One way or another, whether it’s the police or us. We’ll find her.”</p>
<p>            Jet stopped them. He pointed up towards the left where a small path lay behind a bunch of bramble. “Let’s try this,” he said. He chewed on a cigarette. “I think it leads up to a clearing with a large rock. Then let’s call it a day and try again tomorrow.”</p>
<p>            They all nodded, and he efficiently led them up the path. As they walked, Zuko could see and feel how rarely used the path was. It was covered in rocks and tree branches. Some roots had even snaked up over certain parts of the path that they had to hop over. Zuko could feel the air lighten as they went higher and higher up the mountain. The day darkened.</p>
<p>            Something moved out of the corner of his eye and he jumped back into Sokka.</p>
<p>            “Hey, watch it-”</p>
<p>            “Did you see that?” Zuko rasped out, heart racing. He frantically scanned the brush and locked eyes with another pair, peering out from a bush. “Right there!” He pointed.</p>
<p>            Silence. “Dude, there’s nothing there,” Jet said. The others nodded in agreement. Mai put a concerned hand on Zuko’s back and he flinched from it.</p>
<p>            “It’s right there! A pair of eyes.” They were inhuman, golden and practically glowing. The bush rustled and the eyes disappeared. A shadow stood up from it and went behind a tree. “How can you guys not see this?” He ran off the path and to the tree, gripping the pocketknife in his pants leg. But when he circled around, there was nothing. “What?”</p>
<p>            He padded back to the path. Everyone looked at him with concern. Aang put a placating hand out, “You must have just gotten spooked.”</p>
<p>            Zuko scoffed in disbelief. “I know what I saw.”</p>
<p>            “Zuko,” Sokka came up to him, slowly, gently. “I’m not implying anything here but Azula…well, she saw things, too. Things that weren’t always there.”</p>
<p>            Zuko sputtered. “You think I’m like Azula?” It’s the first time he’s ever compared favorably to his sister and it was for this. “No way!”</p>
<p>            Sokka raised his hand and backed up. “Just pointing it out.”</p>
<p>            “Ugh,” Zuko threw his hands up and stomped ahead on the path. “Let’s just continue.”</p>
<p>            They continued in tense silence for several minutes before, inexplicably, Sokka’s phone pinged. “What the fuck?” He said, “How do I have service here?” He pulled out his phone anyway and checked. He groaned. “It’s Katara. She thinks I’ve been kidnapped. I’m gonna share my location with her real quick so she knows it’s not true.” After tapping a couple of times, he shoves the phone back into his pocket. “Alright, we can keep going.” They move on.</p>
<p>            Eventually, Jet stops. He points ahead to where there’s a break in the trees. “The clearing is just ahead up there.”</p>
<p>            “Great,” Zuko said, “Let’s get this over with.” He was sore and angry and embarrassed about earlier. He wanted to go home and have tea with his uncle but Azula always made everything difficult. He pushed ahead of Jet and stomped up the path, sweat beading down his face as he rushed. He broke through the tree-line, “Wow, look there’s nothing-”. He stopped. Stared. And then felt his knees go weak.</p>
<p>            It must have hurt, falling. He landed harshly, jostling what felt like every bone in his body. It must have hurt. The phrase echoed in his head over and over again.</p>
<p>            “Zuko!” He faintly heard someone yell. It sounded like Mai. But that couldn’t be right, Mai doesn’t yell. Footsteps pounded after him and then skidded to a step next to him. A scream. Then another. He heard the sound of retching a couple of feet away.</p>
<p>            Ahead of them, a couple of meters away on a large, flat rock was Azula. And crows. And maggots and flies and beetles. Her body was swarmed by them. Because that’s all there was. A body. Nothing else left in her vacant, lifeless eyes forever stuck wide open in terror and pain and who knows what else?</p>
<p>            Zuko felt something rise up from his stomach and into his throat, and he promptly turned to the side and vomited.</p>
<p>            “Is that-is that-”, someone was frantically saying. Everything sounded so far away. He wiped the vomit from his mouth.</p>
<p>            “The police station isn’t answering-”</p>
<p>            Another person was simply wailing. It sounded kind of like Ty Lee. Zuko got to his feet and stumbled over to the rock. The birds cawed and then flew away. Besides the people with him, the forest was so silent. How long had she been laying here? How many days?</p>
<p>            She was broken, he could see. Her body was twisted and bent in ways a human body should never bend. Here and there he could see white and bloody pieces of bone sticking out from rips in her skin. He knelt next to the rock, near her head. Her hair was a matted, tangled mess. Some of it was shorn. Someone went to great lengths to humiliate her.</p>
<p>            The worst thing of all, though, besides the gore and her face twisted in pain, were the dried tear-tracks slipping down her cheeks. He hadn’t seen Azula cry since she was a baby and even then, it was rare. He lifted a trembling hand and placed it on her cheek. It was cold. And hard.</p>
<p>            He looked around the blood smears on the rock and felt his blood run cold. On it were sigils, seemingly written in the same blood. It was dried and days old. That’s when it hit him. Something bunched in his throat and his eyes burned. He choked. Someone wrapped their arms around him and tried pulling him away. “Zuko, we need to go!”</p>
<p>            “Oh, you’re not going anyway.” The clearing went silent. They all looked up and Zuko shuddered. Ozai came out from behind a tree, looking worse for wear. Matted beard and hair knotted into a ponytail. “Hello, son.”</p>
<p>            “Don’t call me that,” Zuko rasped. “Don’t you ever call me that.”</p>
<p>            Ozai went on, ignoring the trembling group behind Zuko. His eyes were only on Zuko. “I thought she would work,” he said, “since she was my favorite and the better of you two. I truly believed it would work. But I suppose only the blood of my firstborn would do.”</p>
<p>            “What? You’re fucking crazy. You butchered her for some little magic ritual?” Zuko stumbled to his knees, teeth bared. He felt mostly numb, but there was a little spark in him that told him to fight, that if he didn’t, he might end up just like Azula.</p>
<p>            Ozai snarled, “It’s not just magic, silly boy! It’s a dealing with beings you cannot even fathom.”</p>
<p>            “You’re crazy,” Zuko repeated.</p>
<p>            Ozai pulled out a knife. “Come be a good boy, for daddy.”</p>
<p>            “Fuck you,” Zuko spit.</p>
<p>            Ozai lunged forward and Zuko fell back. The group screamed. Before anything else could happen, however, another group burst into the clearing. “Police! Put your hands up.”</p>
<p>            Hakoda was leading the group and had his guns trained in the direction they were in. Everybody froze. Hakoda spoke, “Katara said they kidnapped you, Sokka. Is this true?”</p>
<p>            “Dad, there’s clearly a maniac with a knife right there. Of course, they didn’t fucking kidnap me!” Sokka’s voice was high in pitch and frantic. “It’s Ozai! He’s trying to kill Zuko.”</p>
<p>            The group ran towards the police, shouting and sobbing. Zuko remained behind, eyes on Ozai. Mai came up to him. “Zuko, we should go. The police can deal with this now.” Ozai was eyeing the police and the distance between him and Zuko. He slumped. The force got closer. Zuko turned around to leave after one last look at Azula. He shuddered.</p>
<p>            Suddenly, he heard a shout. He spun. Ozai had lunged at him and was mere feet away when a shot ran out and echoed throughout the clearing. Ozai jerked. He looked down, knife falling out of his grasp, at red blooming across his stomach. He fell to the ground and writhed in pain.</p>
<p>            A couple officers came over to handcuff him. Another came and gave Mai and Zuko a blanket and led them away. Zuko felt numb. He looked up at the sky before going beneath the canopy of trees. The sun was shining.</p><hr/>
<p>            He doesn’t remember much after that. Everything is blank space. He knew Iroh was there. Felt his warm hands around his shoulders and his mother’s cheek against his. Azula’s body wouldn’t leave his head. Her bloody, mangled corpse. He remembered flashing lights, red and blue. The smell of stale coffee. The feel of her journal, her last thoughts beneath his fingertips. He opened it and read the last page.</p>
<p>            And he wept.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Homesick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>            Dear Zuko, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Do you remember when we were really little and used to play together? We’d always play hide and seek. Somehow, I don’t know how, you’d always find me. No matter where I was. This is going to be a bit like that. Hide and seek. You’ll find me. You always do. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Love, Azula. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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